I don't understand all of the mechanisms involved but it seems like I wind up in a bad place sometime between Christmas and the end of January every year. I try to stave it off. Sometimes, I am not even aware it's slipping up behind me until I'm already in the midst of trying to cope. This year was particularly nasty, but I'm coming out of it now.
Week before last was manic, and Sunday night of that week, I had a nightmare which kept going when I woke up. I think it was a panic attack. I've never had one before, but my heart was pounding, I felt like I couldn't get enough air, my stomach hurt, and my head was starting the first flutters of what would turn into a full-fledged migraine later in the day.
That was when I decided I had to make some changes. I moved some of the obligations that were making me panic. I got some help with some of the others.
Those two small actions broke up the ice that had been building inside me. I had reached a point of total paralysis. Even small things weren't getting done. I had a stack of papers on my desk that needed processing. They weren't even big essays, just quizzes for the most part. Suddenly, once some of the pressure was gone, I could get stuff done again other than just surviving.
Yesterday, I went to our country place and spent the day with the dogs. Today, I slept for about twelve hours with purring cats, and even though I need to clean my house and get groceries, I feel better than I have in a long time. January is over today, and I'm ready to face the new year at last.
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And then you said.....