(With all due props to Collective Soul)
My AP kids asked me point blank today if I was leaving. It caught me off-guard, to say the least. Apparently, there is a rumor going around to that effect. That also caught me off-guard. I can't imagine anything I do being rumor-worthy, for one. I am the least conversation-worthy of people, so dull as to make watching paint dry look like a televised sport.
I know how it got started. I haven't exactly been a cheery camper lately, and I haven't bothered to put on much of a false front. I have, in fact, been vocal, grumpy, and irritable above and beyond my norm. After the rather earthshattering revelations of last two or three weeks, though, I felt like somebody had put my soul through a cross-cut shredder, and I needed some time to think, to get myself back in a place where some things made some sense. I think I might almost be getting there now.
The long and short of it is that I'm not going anywhere, at least not just yet. My heart is still tied to where I am now. There have been a couple of powerful reminders of why in the past two weeks in the form of students present and students past. Maybe I needed that focus shift, too, of why I am there. Ultimately, they are why I am there and what I'm there for. The other crap, the stuff beyond my ability to control, needs to matter less to me. I need to let it slide off me and focus on all that wonder that comes in to my classroom every day. If I can just do that and keep the real heart of why I do what I do protected and secure, then I can keep doing it with the passion it deserves.
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And then you said.....