Useless Skills I Possess

 In no particular order, I can:

1. make an owl out of white foamcore
2. slice tomatoes very thinly
3. assemble a six-band Turkish puzzle ring
4. trap a large silly white dog by using subterfuge and stealth
5. open a Maxalt tablet when I'm in so much pain that I don't even know who I am
6. curse quite colorfully in five languages (this is not to imply that I speak five languages...which would be useful)
7. plan a lesson and replan the same skills in the sudden and inexplicable absence of all technology
8. change a tire next to a busy highway and or interstate
9. fold origami cranes
10. artfully smear wheat bread with Nutella

I'm sure somebody out there is just waiting for these qualifications.  In the meantime, there is bread that needs Nutellaing.  Excuse me.