Decisions, Decisions

So many choices.  I wish sometimes that life wasn't an endless stream of choices.  I know that's foolish because the ability to choose is precious, but sometimes I feel like my mind gets blisters and calluses because it's turning things with sharp edges over and over trying to find where they fit.

Right now, I have one of the biggest of decisions to make.  Do I stay or do I go?  Pro and con lists do not help; they balance.  People I love and trust are also arrayed on both sides of the issue.  

I stand here looking around, and I love this place so much it is almost a physical pain.  I love every part, the physical setup, the changes I've made to make it my own, precious people I have met.  I love the potential, the what it could be.

Sometimes, though, the what is crushes me, weighs down on me like that pile of stones they used in Salem, one burden at a time until I feel like I can't even breathe.

Am I still doing any good?  If I stay, will I keep doing any good?  Does it really matter if I'm here or not, or am I just a replaceable cog in a massive machine?  If this particular gear slips, will the harmony of the engine even shift?

I feel like I'm in the long dark night of this particular portion of my soul.  With something as important as this is to me, being uneasy in it affects all else.  

I wish I had some clarity.