Lost and Found

I lost a friend recently.  

Maybe that's inaccurate.

I lost my ability to trust a friend recently.  Let's start there.

I've known that person a long time.  We've been a support to one another through a couple of nasty things.  That person is precious to me.  

Then came the lie.  Now I don't know how to feel. 

It's hard for me to trust, anyway.  Whether it is fair or not, I frequently realize that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the stick that hides behind the carrot.

Of course, things broken can be repaired much of the time.  The Japanese sometimes even mend precious vessels with gold making something that could be seen as loss glorious.  My own multitudinous scars are things I see as badges of survival.  They aren't pretty, to be sure, but there is a pride in knowing that what made them didn't unmake me.

Sometimes, though, there is too much damage for something to be salvagable.  When trust breaks, gold can't fuse the pieces.  I am not sure what can.  Maybe time.  I'll have to see....