Germany

It's been showing up everywhere lately, in a poem I liked, in a book somebody suggested I read, in the play I'm teaching to one class of my students, in the flag hanging randomly off the back of the SUV I passed on the interstate: Germany. Tonight after choir practice, I was talking with someone who recently returned from a year of military service there. She told me about how much she had enjoyed her posting and that they are currently seeking teachers for the school associated with the base she was on. I could make money and teach in a place where there was history surrounding me again, where I could indulge my need for the past along with getting a paycheck that might actually pay all my bills for once. The thought is a little intoxicating.

I think they would want me. I should have the qualifications. I have two degrees that would make me appealing. I have a U.S. teaching license, have taught high school for six years, have been department chair for three, and have taught AP for four (or is it five now? it's all running together on me...), so I think I am probably as desirable candidate as anyone else would be. I'd be at least qualified enough to try it, let's put it that way.

I am in a quandary. I like what I do now, where I am now, and the thought of packing my boxes and closing the door for the last time on that classroom makes me uneasy and sad. However, I know it is possible to stay in a place too long, to cling to something because it is comfortable and known when you should let go of it and leap out into the unknown to see if your wings will hold you. I also know that as recently as last week I was tempted by an ad for a new school opening in Turkey....

I wish I had someone I could really talk to about this, someone who understood and could guide me. I can't think of a single soul, though. Granted, it's not your everyday sort of situation, but still...I wish there were someone. My parents will not want me to go. They never do. Mostly, they see this sort of thing as an insurmountable impossibility even though I've done it before.

I guess I will sit and think now, brood, ruffle my feathers a little, shuffle my feet and the possibilities. I don't know what the outcome will be. I need some time before I decide whether or not it's time for the chapters of my life to change again.