Roux in a Tree

This morning about 8:30, I heard Roux barking wildly somewhere off in the woods. Figuring she had something cornered, I stumbled out of bed in my pajamas and found my flip flops. Yelldo was sitting on the porch aquiver with excitement, and I decided that whatever was going on, he'd be better off inside rather than underfoot.

I followed the sound of frenzied barking into the edge of the woods, and called for Roux. The only response was more barking. Thinking that some poor animal was in peril, I cautiously went deeper into the woods. There's nothing quite like a Sunday morning trip through the underbrush in your PJ's. Needless to say, a lot of the things I was thinking were not appropriate for Sunday morning.

I picked my way down to the creek that runs behind my house and still couldn't find Roux, although her bark was getting closer. I heard something rustling back up the hill and I looked up to see a large black and white cat in the top of a dead tree. At the top of the fallen cedar beside it, approximately eight feet off the ground, was my red pit bull.

The cat fled, and suddenly Roux seemed to realize that dogs and trees don't really mix that well. Her excited barks turned into little puppy whimpers. Of course, the tree, probably one that Katrina knocked down, has been overgrown by muscadine vines and various types of saplings, all of which I had to pull down or wade through in an effort to get to her. Cedar being the trusty strong wood it is, even though this tree had been down for quite a while, even the small branches were still strong.

I finally worked my way down the side of the fallen tree, and Roux was able to work her way down to a point that was about as high as my head, but huge branches blocked both her and me from getting any closer to each other. Even though she certainly wove her way through them in her chase for the cat, she was unwilling to go through them the reverse way now that the fever had subsided.

I worked with her for about an hour, and finally decided that neither of us was going anywhere without some help. I found my way back to the house and called Mom and Dad. Dad, being taller than I, was able to get close enough to her to lift her down. Except for being totally exhausted, she only has a couple of little scratches. Hopefully, she won't be quite so foolhardy next time. I don't relish the thought of more early morning pajama-clad trips into the backwoods of Podunk.

iPod

At long last, I have joined the mainstream and gotten an iPod. I had an mp3 player from Dell, and it just wasn't very good. It doesn't work with my Gateway, and it seems to have some kind of nervous breakdown every time I try to cut it on or off.

Since I loved it when it worked, I decided I wanted another one, but since a good one is pretty costly, it's been low on my list of things to get. The other day, though, Dad gave me some money and told me to "Go buy something shiny."

It was so sad. I sat there with the money in hand, and I really, really couldn't think of anything on which to spend it. I've been a poor teacher so long that my first thought was, "I'll pay a bill with it or save it for Christmas shopping." Dad told me, "No bills, nothing sensible. Go buy something you want. Go buy something shiny." A minute later, the idea of an iPod struck.

Thursday, I went to pick up my package from FedEx, and Thursday night I stayed up late setting my new iPod nano. I LOVE it. It's bright red, very thin, and appealingly square. It shows the cover art of all the albums it contains.

My favorite part of it though, is that I can now get podcasts. My old mp3 player wouldn't and couldn't handle that. Now, I can get all those wonderful NPR and PRI shows that I always miss and listen to them during my off period or while I'm waiting somewhere. It's wonderful. I listened to Highway 61 in my classroom Friday afternoon, and I'll get a new episode delivered tonight. It's like a magazine subscription for my ears.

Yesterday afternoon, I was waiting to meet my family to go out to eat, and I went to our local bookstore. I got the latest copy of Mental Floss, a green tea frappe, and commandeered one of the "good" leatherette chairs. I spent a pleasant hour that way with my little iPod screening out the querulous gossiping of old women and the frantic begging for sweets of little kids. Last night, I hooked it to the little stereo I have in my bedroom and read while listening to a podcast. Pure luxury.

Even though I know iPods are annoyingly "mainstream", their ubiquitous status isn't going to keep me from giggling gleefully each time I slip the tiny little white headphones into my ears. It's amazing how much pleasure something small and shiny can give.

Insanity

Today was just plain stupid. It was Wednesday and a short day for us, so I was looking forward to a day of poetry and then an afternoon of staff development. Okay, so I wasn't really looking forward to the staff development, but you know what I mean.

The A/C never came on this morning, so it got nice and toasty in my east-facing classroom. I think it got up to about 80 before a measly trickle of cold air started to ooze from the air vents. This is not all that unusual, but it was just another annoyance today.

Yesterday, my students noticed that the sugar ants had started coming into my classroom. They do that about twice a year, and usually maintenance comes and sprays quickly. Today, ants were everywhere. Second period they were crawling all over backpacks and students. Suddenly, one of my AP students jumped up and said she'd been bitten. Guess what, boys and girls? The sugar ants brought in fire ants today, too. CRAP. We shuffled everybody out of the corner, and I sent another desperate plea downstairs for SOMEBODY to come kill the ants.

During 3rd period, the students near my desk noticed a crackling noise and the smell of burning electrical conduit. I dove under my desk, my students were freaking out, and I unplugged a surge strip that apparently had had its last hurrah. There was no fire, but there's nothing like the possibility of electrical fire to get you moving in the morning. My clothing was covered with dust and nasty from crawling around on the floor.

Around lunch, the day got better. Everything settled down, and while the air refused to come on, I was able to open the door to the glacially-cool hall and steal some of the air by using a box fan to channel it in during my off period. I finally found a way to plug most of the electronic equipment back in, and our kind custodian came and sprayed the ants.

I have to say that I was grateful when everything finally became what passes for normal at Podunk High again. I was starting to look for the frogs and the boils to come next.... Maybe that's being saved for tomorrow.

Beowulf Boast

My students have been reading Beowulf lately, and one of their projects was to create an Anglo-Saxon style boast like Beowulf's as he comes into Heorot for the first time. The ones my students came up with were very good, as they always are, but this year, they asked me to make one. I wasn't going to do it, but since both classes asked, I guess I will oblige. Since I don't have anything of merit to share today, I thought you might get a kick out of it, too.

Hail to the Senior Class!

I, Cygnus of the _____ clan,
Born in the land of red clay, pine trees, and kudzu,
Descendant of Irish poets and Apache warriors,
Teacher and child of teachers,
A daughter of the Deep South, stand before you,
a modern-day Prometheus
Bringing books of brain-broadeners to bored teens.

I am a modern-day Earthstepper
And I cover continents in a stride.
The Land of the Rising Sun housed my heart for two years
Leaving was a loss I still feel.
The soil of England, Ireland, Wales, Costa Rica, and Thailand have I also trodden
Their stone dances, dolmens, volcanoes, and Buddhas
jewels of experience to turn over in the light of memory.
Daily I dream of other destinations to feed my desire
To see and know this beautiful world.

I have made mighty music with my fingers,
Earned an academic award or two,
Pursued the prize for two degrees in the Lands of the Bulldogs and the Hoosiers,
Taught my native tongue to those who have traveled far to learn it,
Claimed the king’s gold in poetry competitions,
Won the heart of a fierce, fast, and free canine companion,
And returned to tell the tale to those who have ears to hear.

Now, I will face the fierce class before me
Full of fascinating facts to offer
I will take care of what and who are mine,
Fighting buffoons in the hall
And living by my favorite phrase, spoken by India’s son,
“Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Jeans

Today I went to our local mall to pick up a couple of pairs of pants from my favorite store. I'm very hard to fit being a big girl and tall with it, but I have always been able to walk into this store and pull jeans off the shelf without even trying them on. They just fit.

When I walked over to where the jeans have always been, a shelf of different denim faced me. They'd come up with a clever new sizing method and three different cuts. I stood at the end of a long Monday absolutely befuddled.

A saleswoman had to measure me, always fun, and then she recommended a size that turned out to be three sizes too small. I wanted to sit in the floor and cry.

It's hard to explain why it made me so upset. I guess it goes back to always having had a hard time finding clothes. I had come to rely on those jeans being available and, well, easy. Too many things right now are up in the air and changing. I needed the simple comfort of plain old denim, and suddenly even that trivial constant had disappeared.

The saleslady took pity on me and kept bringing in pairs until I found one that fit right. They do feel good, and they look nice on me. I guess this change isn't all bad. I just hope everything else settles down with such a nice resolution.

A Day Off

It's about 10 in the morning, and I'm sitting in my rocking chair. Every window in the house is open, the washing machine is gently swishing, and the attic fan is a soothing roar in the background. I am as relaxed now as I've been in months. It's amazing.

I took this day off from school because I have an entire bag of papers I need to grade. I'm realizing now, though, that the grading was a small part of what I needed a day off for. I needed the attic fan and the washing machine. I needed the sound of windchimes from my porch and the agitated fussing of hummingbirds coming to the feeders. I needed to get away from the too often too loud halls of my school and the everyday grind of my job.

I think that when I return Monday, I'll be able to feel much more positive about things. I'm going to go start working on the papers now, but these few hours of peaceful rest from the routine have been divine.

Unbelieveable

Today I was told that one of my previous students ran over another of my previous students four times in the local mall parking lot. Who are these people? I couldn't believe it. The two people involved were the last two individuals you would ever suspect would become a crime drama/soap opera. This is too sad. I don't know if the one who was run over will live. All I can do is pray for them. Things like this are part of the most bizarre aspect of teaching. Everybody who makes the evening news, victim or assailant, was once some teacher's student.

Doe, a Deer, a Female Deer.....

After fifteen years of driving in the state of Mississippi, I hit my first deer tonight. Coming home from my parents' house, I rounded a curve to find a deer standing right in the middle of the road. It started for the passenger's side edge of the road, and I swerved into the other lane and honked my horn. Apparently that was the WRONG thing to do because it turned around and smashed itself into the passenger's side of my car.

I pulled over to the side of the road and called Mom and Dad. I wasn't afraid of damage to the car, but I was afraid that the deer was lying by the side of the road dying an agonizing death. There are many things that I can do for myself, but killing a deer is not among those things. Dad came and we looked all along the edges of the road, but we didn't see anything. I hope the deer lives, but if it shares some of the headache it gave me, I won't call that an injustice, especially since the whole collision was its idea anyway.

As deer-related incidents go, it wasn't a bad one. Like so many other things that happen to me, I guess I can say about this that if I had to have a wreck involving a deer, this was the one to have. However, could I just petition for a brief moment? Do I have to have a wreck with a deer at all?

Umeboshi

Today was a study in contrasts. I had a great day with my regular students and Beowulf. Both classes are really getting into the story, and they actually were disappointed when the period ended and we had to stop reading.

After school I had to go to a doctor's appointment, and while I was there anyway, I asked him about my headaches. He seemed to think they warrant further exploration, so he's arranging for me to see a neurologist. The words CAT scan and MRI came up, and since I'm more than a little claustrophobic, I'm hoping that I'm not going to have to be rolled inside that great big clanging metal tube from hell anytime soon. It was bad enough in high school when I had to have a scan done on my knee. I was only in it up to my shoulders, but I remember the feeling of being trapped all too well.

At least maybe once this process starts somebody will be able to tell me what's going on. The "T" word came up, but I'm blissfully ignoring it. It's too horrible to even contemplate seriously. Besides, I'm almost positive the doctor is going to look at me and tell me to find a way to relieve stress more efficiently. How I'm going to do that, I have no idea, but.... I have to do something. The headaches are coming more and more frequently, and they seem to be getting more and more aggressive, too. Even if the doctor says, "Take more Advil and get out," at least, as my other doctor today said, at least I'll know that there's not some other, darker thing going on.

After the doctor's appointment, I decided to go get some Thai food before my night class began. I haven't been to Podunk's tiny little Thai place in awhile, and it was so comforting and good. I had the masaman, which isn't as likely to make my body rebel as the green curry, and just the warmth of the blue and white china bowl and the flower pattern of the rice from its mold were soothing to jangled nerves. The restaurant is quiet, and the staff there will talk to you or not as your own mood indicates. I love places like that. I can go there with a book and read and eat, and nobody seems to think anything about it.

At the end of the meal, I was asking about the desserts, but they were out of all of them. Their distributor won't come until next week with a new supply. That led to a conversation about trying to find Japanese umeboshi, one of my very favorite Japanese food. I miss those little pickled plums and onigiri made with them. I crave them most of the time. The waitress went to the back to ask the owner if she knew anywhere one could buy umeboshi in the state, and the owner actually brought out a jar from her personal supply. It was wild. They are the big Chinese kind, but she was kind enough to give me one in a condiment container to take home.

I almost cried. I will take it home and cut it into smaller pieces and make my own onigiri. That act of kindness salvaged what was shaping up to be a totally crappy day. It's amazing what a difference one little umeboshi can make when everything else has gone wrong.

Yeah, That's About Right

Find here a definition of the spiffing label I'm saddled with after taking my personality profile today.

Athena and AverKeys

Today, the three-day headache finally abated. I had almost reached the point of wanting to just hide under the covers and cry when I woke up with it again this morning. I do not know what's causing these stupid things, but I am very grateful that this one has at last relented.

I told the story of Athena and Arachne today as a part of our mythology bellringer, and as an introductory note on Athena, I talked about her birth. It was ironic in the extreme that I was telling about a goddess who gave her father such a headache that he had Vulcan split open his skull to relieve it. I wasn't that bad off today, but yesterday about 5th period, that would have seemed like a really good plan to me if it would have meant the pain would just go away.

This afternoon, I've been trying to chase down an AVerKey for my mom's classroom. She wants low-tech and needs to hook her TV to her computer to show some PowerPoints. It's amazing how hard it is to find low tech when you need it. I went to RadioShack, and the poor guy who waited on me will probably run away and hide in the stockroom if he ever sees me coming again. First I asked for an AVerKey. Nope. Then I asked for a USB A male to female cord that wasn't 10 feet long. Nope. I asked for single USB adapter end to convert a shorter cord to a female ending. Nope.

Finally, I asked him if they carried a wireless transmitter to hook my laptop to my stereo so I can listen to all my ripped music on my big stereo while I'm doing work. Uh...... He took me over to the corner of the store where such products were, and he didn't think they had that either, but I found it myself. I'm now listening to all my ripped music files while I'm working. It's quite spiffy if I do say so myself.

The last thing of any note today was a thinking style inventory we had to take during our faculty meeting this afternoon. There were four styles, Abstract Sequential, Concrete Sequential, Abstract Random, and Concrete Random. Guess which one I was. I was Concrete Random. There were only two of us in the whole room. Gee, lookit, Cygnus is in her own little weirdo category again, surprise, surprise. My admin told me that means I like to experiment with things. I think that's a pretty understated way of saying I like to tinker with stuff a lot, and then tinker with it some more, and then tinker with it again..... I'm going to do some more research on this whole concept as she seemed to find the results very significant in some way.

Off to Google....

Weird Dreams

I don't know if it's the headaches stirring the sludge or what, but I've been having bizarre dreams again lately. The other night I dreamed a figure off a Greek vase was chasing me, and not in a way that was remotely stately and serene like the Keats poem. That was one of the worst ones because when I woke up with the alarm, the after image of that big-eyed freaky white figure was still lingering. I've got to get this stuff on paper sometime. It's just strange enough to find a following somewhere.
Well, after a day of tanks on the highway, heavy rain, and migraines, I think it's bed time....

Weekends Are Too Short

I need about one more day in my weekend. I wish we could have a three day weekend. Somebody should lobby for that. I don't mean shorten the work week. I mean just create another day.

I can't get everything done on Saturdays and Sundays anymore. I have to clean the house, take care of the yard, run errands, play for church and do the bulletin, and then I also have school work that has to be done as well. I also need at least a little bit of time to relax, so, inevitably something doesn't get done. I go back to school with a dirty house or a bag full of ungraded papers, a yard full of bahaia or dogs that needed to get to the vets. It's frustrating.

I think I foresee a personal day being taken in the near future just so I can catch up with stuff. Hey, they give me several days for personal leave, and if it will keep me from having chain migraines, I think I'm going to take one.

I Rock

Today, in no particular order, I organized and led an AP orientation meeting for parents, I entered and exported my grades and the grades of another teacher, I wrote a three-page paper about The Sound and the Fury after finding a critical article on it, and I also, oh yeah, taught my classes. I rock. I rule. I am the Queen of Everything. And now, I am taking my tired, dragging behind to bed.

The Sound and the Fury...Again

Faulkner had to have chosen the title of this book as a huge joke on his readers. This whole book is a tale full of sound and fury, told by an idiot, and signifying nothing. Maybe he was trying to force us into seeing all life in those terms, but I think it more likely that he's got a huge in-joke going about the people who read this book and fawn all over it.

This is my second time around with Sound. I read it during AP my senior year, and I hated it so much then that I didn't want to read any more Faulkner ever again. I've come to the point where I enjoy Faulkner most of the time, but I still can't say that I like this book. Is it interesting that we get stream of consciousness from three or four different characters? Yes. Is it his best work? Not by a long shot. The characters are getting lost in the storytelling about half the time.

I've been reading it all day today, and I only have about 100 pages left. I still have to finish it and produce a 2-3 page paper about it before Thursday, so maybe some great and powerful revelation will engulf me and make me change my mind about it. Unless that happens, I will be greatly relieved when the last page has once again been turned.

No Room

I am reaching a point where I think I'm going to have to find a new church. I don't have any place in mine anymore. There's nobody who is in the same place in life as me, there is no Sunday School class where I fit, no group that I can fellowship with and share with, and all the joy I used to have at being a part of it is fading away.

This is my home church as in the church I was carried to as an infant, went to Vacation Bible School as a child, was baptized in, and was a part of the youth group until I graduated and went to college. My family has gone here, my parents and my grandparents, as long as I can remember. I still have extended family here, too. So why don't I fit?

I have wracked my brain trying to figure out why I feel so separate. Part of it is the aforementioned place in life. I am single. I don't have any children. I am one of only maybe three not-so-young adults in my whole church who can say that. The other singles are twenty-somethings who are only really waiting for the ring. The Sunday School class for people my age is filled with people with young children, and of course, as seems to be the case, their lives are dominated by telling stories about those children and taking care of those children.

I'm not knocking having kids. I would love to think that someday I will have them myself. However, that's not an experience I know anything about, so being surrounded by it makes me feel very, very out of place. While I've more or less accepted the inevitable fact most of my friends have been consumed by parenting, I haven't been and may never be. Isn't there some place, any place for people like me?

I have been trying to fill in with service in areas that are needed. I do the bulletin for our church and I play the organ on Sunday nights and as a sub on Sunday mornings, but despite these rolls, I still feel invisible and out of place. I don't know what I'm going to do about it because these rolls of service also bind me to the church. Now one of those rolls of service has changed, too, and I'm worried that the joy that comes from that is going to disappear.

I don't know what to do. I don't really want to leave my church, but I just wish there was some place in it that I felt like I really fit and was more than just a functionary doing my job and slipping quietly back into the shadows when the "real" members show up.