More on the Migraine Front

I went to see my neurologist today, and this just keeps getting stranger and stranger. What I thought was a side effect of the medicine, moments of extreme disconnectedness, are actually a part of my type of migraine. They are migraines without pain.

I've never heard of that. I didn't know that was even possible. I thought a migraine, by definition, included the pain part, but apparently they encompass a whole range of other factors, too, including the "depersonalization" I experience, that feeling of being suddenly separated from what's going on. He's calling it, at least on the paperwork, a "migraine equivalent." I guess I always have to be different....

The doctor said that having the pain part gone with the Topamax is a good step, and that most people continue to improve gradually for up to six months of taking it. I've only been on it about a month so far, and things have gotten a lot better. I only get the headaches or "moments" now when I'm very stressed, and they're not nearly as painful as they used to be. The other medicine he gave me helps me to alleviate most of the pain that remains if I can take it fast enough, too, so maybe I'm finally headed for a solution, no pun intended.

I'm stepping up my medicine for the last time (hopefully) starting tonight, but he said that the side effects shouldn't be as strong this last time. I'm hoping that this will be the last week of being so far off my game and that normalcy, such as it ever is for me, can return. I'm tired of feeling like a debilitated person.

They did take about 12 vials of blood for labwork today after I left his office. He wanted to check various things to make sure that the Topamax isn't causing adverse chemistry changes in my body and that it will be safe for me to resume some other medications that I was taking for another doctor. I gave the phlebotomists a story to tell over lunch.

I hate needles with a passion, and to have to sit there with a needle in long enough to let them fill twelve vials was an effort of great will for me. I got a firm grip on the table in front of me, refused to look behind me where my arm was stretched across another table having the blood taken, and just took deep breaths until it was done. I think they were scared I was going to fall out, but I've done this a lot in my lifetime of various bizarre medical crap, so I know by now how to "be a big girl" and give blood without running away and hiding under or behind various pieces of medical equipment, which is what I'd truly like to be doing instead.

Once the results of the blood work come back, the last big piece of the puzzle should be in place, at least for now. I just keep thinking that everything is going to hit equilibrium at some point. I'm tired of riding the pendulum swing back and forth. I need a little peace and stability.