....the days I hate this job more than I can bear. Today is one of those days. My second period class apparently cheated on the makeup test I gave them, and I just want to put all my belongings in a box and go home permanently.
I hate dishonestly in general, but something about this just galls me. First, there's nothing that can be done. Since I personally didn't see it, there is no action I can take. Second, after confronting one of the alleged cheaters and having her lie right in my face, I am so physically sick that I need to go throw up.
I know I am not the arbiter of their morality, but I find it so offensive. Then adding the lie to it, I don't know how I'm going to be able to look at that class again. To know that they are cheating liars, to know that every single moment of every single class they lie and cheat, is almost too much for me to stand.
I wish I could just shrug my shoulders and say, "Oh well." I wish it didn't matter. It does, though, and today, I feel like the weather, gray, dull, cold, and lifeless.
I'm sick of this. There has to be something better, something worthy out there somewhere. I give too much, I put too much of myself into this teaching for things like this not to matter to me.
Maybe I'll go back overseas. I loved that. I was happy there. Maybe I could be again. Right now, I cannot believe that anything I do here matters anymore. That's not a feeling I can stand.
Was it the ENTIRE class? How did they do that?
ReplyDeleteI can imagine how disappointed you are. Really, sometimes, the point of it all is just lost.
Is there some *special* lesson you could *teach* them, some literary expose of cheaters and their sad fates? I can't think of anything right off the bat but I will put it on the burner.
I want to recommend a book to you, Peter Behrens -- The Law of Dreams. Sometimes, you find a book that is more than a cut above good. I'm halfway through and it seems like there is a line or paragraph on every page that begs to be highlighted. Since its a library book, I'm thwarted in that, but I am planning on buying a copy. Maybe, it will take you to another place, if only in imagination.
hang in there. I know you are a good teacher.
http://www.peterbehrens.org/index.html
It wasn't the whole class, thank God, or I would probably be sharpening my axe to take to school Monday. Three of a class of 11 was bad enough. I just wasn't watching as closely as I should have been, and that is largely because I mistakenly thought I could trust that class. It won't happen again.
ReplyDeleteI was going to give a new test Tuesday with no warning, but I think I'm just going to let it go. I have yet to decide just what I'm going to say Monday because I want them to know that I know (they probably do already), but I may just not say anything. The three that cheated better pray that they a) don't get caught doing it later on, and b) don't need anything from me ever because I am no longer inclined to go even remotely above what is required for them.
I appreciate the kind words. Sometimes this job just gets to me. I think it does that to everybody at times.
I'll check out the book. Right now, I'm in the midst of a Hemingway course with a novel a week reading assignment, so it may have to wait until summer.