Happy-ness

I feel like I'm tempting fate to write about this. I feel like I'm just asking the hammer of the gods to come down and smack me. However, if I whine...er...write about all the crap, then I ought to crow about the good, too.

Today, I continued to feel wonderful. Maybe it's a belated birthday gift. No existential angst. No secret yearnings. In fact, the situation I'd written about previously is totally, suddenly, and inexplicably gone. God has totally healed my heart. It's amazing, it's wonderful, and I can hardly understand it. I never thought I'd be so happy to say that I wasn't interested in somebody anymore, but I really, really am. I can enjoy that friendship now as just that. I want to dance, sing, and shout with relief. God is good.

I haven't been this content and peaceful in my own skin since right before I left Indiana. It's even okay that I'm still alone. Can you believe this is me writing this? Maybe thirty-two is the age when the brain finally decides to quit grieving over impossibilities and get on with the living. Maybe there's a train oncoming waiting to smack into me tomorrow. I don't know, but I've sure enjoyed the past couple of days.

I'm writing poetry again, too. I've produced two poems in the last week, and that's more than I have written in the six months previous. Granted, one of them is NOT good, and probably belongs in the bottom of the waste bin rather than in my works-in-progress notebook, but just to feel the muse stirring again is, not to be melodramatic or anything, thrilling.

I feel like a lamp that was clogged with soot. Maybe that's what the past couple of years were for me, sooty years. Something lately burned that soot clear, and now I feel like I'm me again, like I am burning with a bright clear flame again. My Chinese zodiac sign is that of the Fire Dragon. Maybe the dragon is just finally starting to wake up. It's about time, don't you think? I hope I can hold on this.