Too Much

In two days, I will be thirty-two. The countdown is almost done. Today was horrid for reasons I won't go into here. What I thought I was over, or at least had locked up in a dark corner of my mind and thrown away the key, reemerged today, and now I feel awful again. I wish I could just fast-forward this week right through to Friday. I don't know how I'm going to get through the birthday and Valentine's, especially since one of my friends now has a brand-spanking new love that he's all aglow with. I'm thrilled for him because God knows he deserves it. He's a good man, one of the few I know. However, for me, it's salt in raw wounds. Maybe some of his happiness will rub off on me. I hate to forever be the dark cloud, but this birthday is just kicking my butt this year. At least it will be over soon. Maybe I can find some peace with it once it's done and get back to something besides whining and griping. I hate doing it, but I can't seem to stop, either. It's all too much. Maybe I just need to go out and do something really stupid.