I guess I'll take a minute to update the 1.5 individuals who read this on my life. My surgery hasn't been scheduled yet. To determine whether or not it will be done by my doctor or the GYN oncologist (there needs to be an acronym just for this, I think), I will have an MRI next Thursday. After that, the final question should be answered.
And I need that. I desperately need all the little slivers of hell to fall into an orderly procession. Why it is better if I know when things are happening is a mystery. Actually, it probably has to do with the illusion of control. Being able to put it into my iPhone calendar makes me feel like I'm doing something as opposed to something happening to me, I guess.
Stupid, isn't it?
I'm not doing well with this. I'm shaky. I drive in to work, hear a song on the radio, and I'm in tears. I hate that. I hate not being able to maintain. It feels like failure. Every day that I'm able to get in my classroom and get teaching done, I feel like I've accomplished something major.
I suppose I should just be grateful that I the rest of this year has been what it has been... Venice. Istanbul. Good things and places that I can retreat to in my mind while my body goes through whatever winds up being next. I don't know what else to do. There's no running away anymore.
I'll be praying for you! Deuteronomy 31:6 says, "So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail nor abandon you." Sometimes life can be so overwhelming and so confusing and painful at times. When I feel that life is bearing down on me I go to God and lay everything at His feet. It's comforting to know that in your time of trouble and pain he is the One person you can go to who is faithful to help you every time, even in the time He seems to be silent.
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