Star Wars

Can I make the ultimate geek confession? I think the end of Return of the Jedi, the battle between Darth Vader and Luke and the subsequent destruction of the Emperor as Vader turns away from the Dark Side are some of the finest moments in film. Okay, so maybe it's not Casablanca or Cary Grant carrying that glowing glass of liquid up the stairs in Suspicion, but there is something so powerful about this scene.

The mythology layered in is a huge part of it. The myth of the young hero coming to confront his fallen father, coming to complete the quest that has taken him from boyhood to adult awareness, that has allowed him to test himself and pass, is wonderful no matter in which version it appears. That this story is actually the story of two men striving for definition has always fascinated me.

As much as I always liked Luke growing up, Vader was always my favorite. If you've read here much, you know I always love the monsters, anyway, and Vader was probably the first one of these to catch my attention. I love that at the very end, he gets a chance to redeem himself, to step away from all his bad decisions and be, at least for a brief moment, the man he was meant to be.

While I'm not one of those who run around espousing the "Jedi religion" or anything too crazy like that (at least not about Star Wars, anyway), I have always thought this is part of the message of Star Wars, that the possibility for redemption and change always exists, and that it can cause profound change when it happens, not just for the individual but for everyone connected to him or her as well. It's a powerful message, and one I personally believe to be true. I guess it's one of the reasons I always watch the films and why I have so many little Darth Vader doodads. Well, that and the fact that they're just so darn cool...

A Wonderful Free Thing

I stopped by Amazon to pick up an mp3 this morning, and while it was downloading, I started looking at their free music samplers. Lots of them I have absolutely zero interest in, but I found two that I love: Verve Vault Presents Rhythm, Strings, and Cool Breezy Jazz Sampler and the Four Quarters Sampler of "world music" a term I hate but a sound I find captivating. These are very nice little collections for no money whatsoever, and they work fine in iTunes. Love you, Amazon. Gracias.

What’s the Difference? » Geek vs. Nerd vs. Dork

God, I love words. I love the history of them, the way they change and grow. Language is funny and fun. Here's a little Mental Floss article that entertained me.

What’s the Difference? » Geek vs. Nerd vs. Dork

Magic

I think I said I'd put this up. I still don't know if I like it. It is still evolving...I just added a line as I put it up on the blog, and I might well take it out again next time I do something with it. I may stick this one back on the back burner for awhile. Comments are welcome.

MAGIC

I’m going to conjure you

write your secret name
in sacred symbols
three times
bind it with scarlet and silver
put it under my pillow
stroke my fingers over your knotwork
in the still and silent hours

Don’t be fickle or cruel
in those moments when
the moon spills over
the world breathes
lying listening for
the rustle of wings

Amused half-cat-smile
cerulean archangel eyes
Curl those hands in invitation

The oldest magic
will bind us together
breath and soul
even if the stars
fall from the sky
tonight

One Last Post Tonight

...before I go do other things. I wrote a poem today, my first new poetry in awhile. I may put it up here in a couple of days. I think my written voice is changing. It's strange. I guess if things don't change, they die, but I don't know if I'm entirely comfortable with the evolution. Maybe it's not supposed to be a comfortable process, the becoming.... Maybe I just need to get away for awhile, get some fresh water into the pool. That's always helped in the past. Maybe I just need a good swift kick. That couldn't hurt, probably, most days.... Who knows? I am just unsettled by the difference.

The Beauty of Technology

I am constantly amazed by what technology allows me to do. I have almost a whole season of Warehouse 13 on my DVR right now, and I don't even know how much David Tennant-y DW goodness is waiting from Sunday's all day BBC-America goodness for me to enjoy at my leisure. Since TV frequently stinks or bores me, I adore this thing and can't understand for the life of me why I waited so long to get one. It's so nice not to have to worry about how long I'm gone so that the few shows I do actually care about following are waiting on me when I can get around to them.

My iPod touch is also a thing of loveliness. Apple just makes nice stuff. I am having so much fun with this little gadget. I am trying not to be tacky and run around stores and so forth with it in my ears, but I have to say it's tempting. Having all my music in one place constantly makes me happy, and the apps that Apple has allow customization on an epic scale, which is absolutely right up my alley.

Of course, my little netbook still fascinates me. I mean, it fits in my freakin' purse. How nifty is that? I love it when tech tools are powerful and small. It makes me smile. Huginn is in fact the thing I'm using right now to blog this...

A future gadget I'm interested in is the tablet Apple is coming out with. It also looks like a thing I would love. If it does half of what they say it will, it will probably go on my drool list. Maybe I can add it to my geek stash in the future, to this list of beautiful technology that makes my life better and easier.

Guys on the Porch

Each day when I come home from school, there are some older men on the porch of a certain house I pass playing a game, either checkers or cards, on a small table. Something about them warms my heart. I love that they're always there. I love that they're on the porch playing, not in a back room, not in an air conditioned kitchen somewhere. Most of all, though, I love how happy they always look. They're intent in their game in the few seconds I spend with them as I wait at the light or pass steadily by if it happens to be green, but they smile, they clap when one of them makes a great play, and the fellowship they share is tangible. It makes me want to pull over and see if they'd let me join them for a little while. It seems as though it would be a very worthwhile way to spend an afternoon.

Frisky

I've got energy this evening, the kind I usually associate with the full moon. I got a lot done at school this afternoon, braved the insanity that is Wal-Mart, and am still bouncing. I need a playmate.

I don't know what's going on. I've been tired for the last two weeks. Maybe it's been trying to get my body in the school routine. Whatever it is, I'm glad it's abated. I have to catch up here, and I have some...other writing...to do, too.

Right now, it's off for some red beans and rice, though. Food actually sounds good for the first time in about a week, so NOM!!!

Old Arguments

I heard the old When Harry Met Sally argument revived the other day that men and women can't be just friends, that there always had to be more going on than this between them. I hear this all the time, but I don't think it's true. I wonder where it even started.

I've had lots and lots of male friends who were just friends. When I think of it, I would say that some of my very best friends have been guys, and as far as I know, neither of us in the friendship were pining away with love or desire. (Of course, there were one or two cases where things did go completely to crap, but....)

Now it may well be true that friendships between the genders are different somehow than the ones forged between members of ones own gender. I am more comfortable telling my guy friends some kinds of things and my girl friends others. My guy friends tend to share my geek streak more than my girl friends do. I've held on to most of my girl friends over the years, and while I still think highly of those guys, I don't see them much anymore now that we're all rotating into the "family years."

I just refuse to believe that you can't have a guy friend, that the relationship is always somehow doomed. I have always rejected that. I have to rely on my own past experience here and say that premise is a false one. I may be an oblivious, cerebral, and detached Aquarius who frequently has to have certain elephants in the room pointed out to her, but I think I would have noticed if they were dying for love of me, surely....

Nanci Griffith

And when he dies he says he'll catch some blackbird's wing
And we will fly away to heaven
Come some sweet blue bonnet spring
-- from "Gulf Coast Highway"

I got to see one of my all-time favorite artists in concert last night. Nanci Griffith came to our local performing arts center. She was every bit as good as I had hoped she'd be.

I almost missed it. I forgot about the concert until the night before. I got on FB and my friends were talking about going, and the local center, which I follow on FB, had a post about the pre-show social and goings-on. I started kicking myself hard for letting school eat my soul again and make me miss something I really wanted to do. I was able to call yesterday and get a left over ticket, though, and it really worked out pretty well because I got one of the released artist's tickets, so I was sitting in very, very good seats.

Nanci was delightful. I can't get over the fact that she used to be a kindergarten teacher. I didn't know that until I looked at the program last night. It fits, though. I could see that in her.

Every song she sings, whether it's one she wrote or one she chose, has words that take my breath. They are all songs that make your brain and heart engage. I admire and respect her so much for that.

She's been a favorite of mine since my freshman year of college. The guys at the Wesley got me hooked on her when we went on a missions trip that first summer. I have so many memories from that trip hooked to specific songs. It was lovely to hear her sing them last night.

I wasn't the only one who felt that way, either. The gentleman who was sitting next to me introduced himself, and he and I were practically bouncing with happiness together the whole night. From the time she started singing the first number, we just looked at each other and grinned. At one point, he leaned over and said, "Have you ever been to a concert that you had to stop yourself from singing through so hard?" I wanted to laugh because I know had just had that same thought as she did "Listen to the Radio" which starts out with what one of my friends from Indiana used to say was the sweetest lyric in all of music, "I am leaving Mississippi in the evening breeze...." I think half the theater was bobbing heads and patting legs to keep from belting it out with her. I love shows like that. At the end, we shook hands and he said, "It was nice to sit next to another real fan." And you know what? It really was.

I've got the music going on iTunes right now, and I'm sure I'll be overdosing on it through the next few days. It was a great evening. She said she'd going to come back, and while most of the artists who come to our little jewel box do return, I hope she really will. I look forward to another evening with her.

ARGH Days

Technology was the foe today. All the cables were too short. The wireless connection kept dropping at the least convenient moment. All the ethernet ports in my room have mysteriously died. The screen and projector in my room are facing the wrong way. My laptop is acting suspiciously. Everything conspired to make me frustrated and off-balance.

By now, I should have learned to let these days go with grace and a chuckle. Instead, I was frazzled by the time I got to second period. Once again, I'm doing my juggler-at-the-edge-of-the-abyss routine, and I have to stop trying to do every blessed thing in the world myself. It's such an arrogance. I'm home and tired, too tired to enjoy the things I most wanted to do tonight, of course. I'm going to work on some writing I want to do anyway. I've got the White Stripes cranked up to an obscene level. Maybe I can borrow some energy from Jack.

What I Need

...is somebody who has a good strong talented pair of hands. And who is willing to use those hands to get the knot from between my shoulder blades. I have a ball of muscle that is absolutely sore to the touch at the base of my neck. Stress does this to me. It is one of my least favorite of my body's little tricks.

The only person I've ever known who could get all the knots and kinks out was a wonderful guy I knew in college. Him, I should have married just for his hands.... He could start at the nape of my neck and work all the way down my spine without hurting me as almost everybody else who's ever tried to work my back has done. I was a big old puddle of happy goo when he was through. Yep, I should have packed him up and brought him home. Now, all these years later, I have pain and no graceful long-fingered friend to help me. Sigh...

Benten

I got my new iPod touch today, and I'm in the process of upgrading the OS and getting it tweaked out. The touchscreen is taking some getting used to since I'm a BlackBerry girl, but it's unbelievably lovely.

In keeping with my habit of naming my object after their function, I have decided to call my iPod Benten after the Japanese goddess Benzaiten, goddess of music, poetry, learning, art, and patroness of children. I'm looking forward to many happy hours with this new little pagan deity in my pocket along with Thoth (my Kindle) or alone.

Stepping Out on the Ledge a Few More Inches

Our local group of writers has an open mic night at a local coffee house, and one of my colleagues is a regular reader there. I've thought about going since I first heard of it, but something's always interfered, classes or knee or something. She brought it up again Friday while we were standing around waiting for a copier to be free, and I think I'm going to go.

I've only ever read my poetry publicly at the awards ceremonies for the competitions I've been in and at a writers' night we had for our students and staff at the school, so this will be another really big stretch for me. My first inclination is to just go and listen, in fact. I know, though, that if I don't throw myself off that cliff, I will lose my nerve and lose a chance to fly.

Of course, there will be some pieces that I definitely will NOT be reading. Some stuff will have to stay in the notebooks here at home. There are some cliffs I'm not ready to throw myself off no matter how amazing the flight down might be....

Back to the Future Trilogy

I bought the Back to the Future Trilogy today. I see the films occasionally on this cable channel or the other, but it's been a long time since I've seen any of them whole and without any commercials. It's one of my favorite 80s series, and it's a great light break for tonight. I have always loved the idea of that one definitive moment of courage that changes a person's whole life, love the transformation for Marty's downtrodden dad at the dance. The other installments of the trilogy have great messages, too, but the first one will always be the best to me.

The New School Year

Our new school year is off and running. (It seems like all I do is write in cliches, lately...oh well...) My kids are going to be a good bunch this year, and everybody just has the most positive attitude. It's wonderful. I feel better about this year than I have for a long time, not because of the people in my class (they're always quality) but because of the atmosphere outside it. I hope that it holds, that this feeling that all things are possible remains. We can do an awful lot with this.

Loss

One of the great ladies in my church passed away Thursday. She was a combination of many things to me, a fan of my rough and sometimes terrible organ playing, a friend, one of the few people left who remembers my paternal grandmother and called her "friend", someone who lived in Japan once as well and could share recollections of life there as a gaijin outsider, and the sister of my beloved music teacher. It's such a cliche to say that you never think about the last time you see someone being the last time you're ever going to see them, but that's all I've been able to think about these last two days. I didn't see her often enough, and now there are no more chances to tell stories, give hugs, or play songs. Every time I play, that pew will be empty, empty, and all those links are broken.

Old Hymns

Meant to blog this last night....

I played with our substitute pianist last night because our usual night pianist, one of my very best friends, was out of town. Since our sub isn't used to playing very often, we did some very old traditional hymns that everybody knows, and it was wonderful fun.

I love to play old hymns. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy all church music from stuff with loud guitars to stuff with loud banjos right up to stuff with loud pipe organs. It all makes me happy, and I think it all makes God happy, too. I know not everybody enjoys every type of music, but to me, it's all wonderful stuff. There's just something about playing and singing those old, old hymns, though, that moves me.

I don't have a blazing musical talent. I have friends who do, and what they can do with instruments humbles me. I will never forget as long as I live hearing one of my gifted pianist friends play his arrangement of "It Is Well with My Soul." That simple old song glowed like stained glass struck with the rising sun. It's a song I've always loved, a song I used to sneak up to the chapel at the university I attended for my undergrad and play on the piano there late at night when I felt bad. Of course, when I played it, it never sounded like his version. If anything should ever happen to me, I want him to play that at my funeral.

"Angel Band" is another one of those old hymns that affects me that way. I still remember my grandmother crying whenever it was played in church because it reminded her of her own mother. It was in due time played at her funeral, and whenever I hear it, I can hear my Granny's voice singing it. Someday, I am going to get the courage to sing that at church. Maybe I won't screw it up....

There are so many other lovely old songs that I also love, but one I frequently play for prelude is "In the Garden." I figure probably 75% of the congregation isn't paying attention to what the organ is doing anyway, and it makes me tremendously happy to hear the King of Instruments purr through that song. Playing it is a bit like singing it in many ways. It just feels good to walk the baseline in the chorus and imagine the words coming true.

Even as I continue to find new songs that I enjoy and add to my repertoire, I will always hang on to these oldest loves of mine. I know I'm never going to be a fantastic concert organist, but maybe if they're played with love and happiness, that will be enough.

...And Still No iPod

Another side effect of the unpacking has been the fact that I still haven't found my iPod. I was hoping that I would locate it in and amongst the flotsam and jetsam of my room, but as each box has been unpacked and discarded in the hall, there has been no little black pouch. I don't know what genius thing I did with it in my befuddled state at the end of last year, but I must have truly lost it.

I will wait until the end of tomorrow when all the boxes are truly unloaded, just so it doesn't turn out to be one of those O. Henry ironic things, "Oh, huh, if you'd just unpacked that one last box," but I have to try to figure out what to do now. Do I want to get an iPod or do I want to get an iPhone? I am a hardcore BlackBerry junkie, so I am loathe to relinquish my Berry for the iPhone even though they look like fun, but they have more storage for less money than most of the iPods I want. Grr...why can't my sweet little red square Nano just be in a box? I miss it so much.

Dragging

The past few days have been an all-out race to get my classroom ready. Every time I've turned around there has been ONE...MORE...BOX. I think that when I dream, I see ONE...MORE...BOX. I am coming to hate corrugated cardboard. Why, oh why, do I have so much crap in my room? I can't possibly use all that stuff, can I? I have looked at stuff as I've unboxed it, and thought about each item, but unfortunately, yeah, I do use it all, or at least I will at some point. Sigh.

The room is coming together, but I am just about shot. I finally got some of my personal stuff in today, and I think I only have two boxes left. I still have to paint my speaker's stand and get it in, a major job, but maybe tomorrow will be the day I can close my door at the end of the day and leave without feeling like I'm sneaking away from the scene of an accident.