Longing

I miss Japan so badly today that it's a physical pain. I don't know if it's the quality of the light or the fact that it's finally turning to autumn here. I don't know if it's because I'm listening to Agatsuma as I'm trying to get school work done, because I received a new catalog from the Japanese American Museum, or because I chose one of my Japanese pottery bowls from which to eat my cereal this morning.

All I know is that if I only had one wish right now, it would be to be back in Toyohashi watching all those lustrous golden ginkgo leaves showering down on the campus of Aidai. I long to be riding my bike, to be on the trains going somewhere, to be walking with my camera and seeing autumn take the countryside in slow waves of color. I crave chestnut sweets and mochi. I want to stop in a noodle shop and enjoy the flavors before a cool evening ride home.

I miss my friends there and all my wonderful, diamond-bright students. Last night while I was copying grammar exercises, my eyes fell on various knickknacks from Japan in my office: my Nohohon collection, a tiny pair of shishi-mai, my Denko-san dragon and shishi, and most wonderful of all, the card my first class of students gave me. I framed it and hung it in my office to help me remember when I have really bad days that somebody somewhere thinks I'm a good teacher.

I want to be walking down the winding pottery path in Tokoname with my camera in hand. I want to be sitting on my ridiculously small green sofa and hearing the absurdly musical chime of the factory across the street. I want grocery store sushi and an egg salad, tuna salad, potato salad sandwich trio from a C-store. I want to go indulge at the 100 yen store.

Here, there is no sumo, no maneki neko, no matcha, and today I feel the loss like a lash across the shoulders. I am starting to get itchy feet and a dreaming mind again, but I have too many obligations that keep me here. I suppose I will just have to satiate the hunger in some other way, but oh how I long for my simple gaijin life in Toyohashi.