Distance Covered

I didn't get to go anywhere today, but it was a different kind of day, anyway.  I woke up to a clock telling me it was 8:00 but a sky as dark as daybreak.  I checked the radar for Natchez on my phone, and when I saw that their weather was even worse, I made a judgement call, cancelled my trip, and rolled back over.  Roux was most appreciative.

When I finally got up, I scraped almost the last spoonful of Nutella out of the jar, had breakfast, and took care of the electronic universe.  I spent a little time thinking about dinner with my parents the night before.  We have started having dinner late on Sunday nights since I'm not playing the organ anymore.  I don't know how our routine will change once it gets repaired, but right now, these late evening meals are nice.  As I was leaving, Mom came out and told me that she and Dad want me to go on the trip to England over Spring Break and that they want to give me the money for it.

I told her no.  Every time they have to give me money for something, I feel a little less like a grownup.  It's bad enough when it's necessary, when there is some kind of financial emergency that I cannot control, but for something like this that is purely a luxury, I feel really...like one of those people who just lives in their parents' basements and calls themselves an adult but is really only sort of a glorified child who never leaves home or has any sort of independence at all.

She told me to quit being stubborn, basically, and that they want to do this for me.  They know how much I want to go, and they want to make this trip possible.  She told me to go ahead and sign up for the trip.  I haven't.  I'm still turning it over in my head.  I still am not sure about it, about how I feel about doing that.  I have some time before I have to decide for sure one way or the other.

Just them offering, though, made me feel better.  It made me feel like somebody understood how much it had meant.  Not only that, but today, we went to get groceries since I quite literally had nothing but ramen, half a loaf of bread, and some canned goods left in the house to eat, and she asked me about the leaks in the roof.  The holes in my ceiling are the reason I don't ever have anybody over to the house anymore, the reason I stopped throwing parties, having my annual get-together with my friends, and it's a source of sickness to me every time I walk in my living room.  I tried to do something about it, but I couldn't.  There is no frustration like watching a situation you know you must correct continue because you are powerless to do anything about it.  Today, Mom said she and Dad are going to find a way to help me to something about the roof and the ceilings.  I thought I was going to cry.

I don't care that my house is old.  I don't care that it will never make the pages of a style magazine.  I just can't stand the fact that it has been slowly being damaged because I haven't been able to afford to do anything to stop it from happening.  If I can get this fixed, then a weight so heavy I cannot even put it into metaphorical terms will be removed from me.  I won't have to feel like I'm failing my Granny anymore by letting her house fall down around me.

So, yeah.  Even if I didn't get to travel, distance was covered.  I will have to wait and see what happens next. I've had a good meal for supper, cooked with my own hands, and now I'm going to have some ice cream for dessert.  Maybe I am coming to the end of a season of loss, lack, and despair.  God, but isn't it time?