No Patience

I need a holiday.  Another one, I guess I should say, since I just got done with Thanksgiving.  I have no patience left for the foibles of mankind.  Today I just wanted to smack people around.

I had to wait on this that or the other, it seemed, all day today.  I need a vacation so I can have that grand luxury again:  total independence.  So my schedule doesn't have to jive, mesh, or gel with any-freakin'-body else's.  So I can stay up until 3, sleep until 11, and feel no guilt at all.  So I can stroll through the dollar store for an hour, or dash through Wal-Mart in 5-minute super-shopper-all-other-humans-avoidance mode.  So I can throw my camera and my adventure-girl hat in my car and get out of this town for a day, go study other things through the lens until the cramp in my soul loosens up a little bit and I can roll my shoulders and sigh again in relief.

I get this way every year about this time.  To be honest, last year, I was probably more actively stressed, more frantic.  I suspect this year, I am worse off, though.  I am actually starting to hit a point of hopelessness with my level of "behindness."  I just sort of think of being caught up as a totally unreachable goal now.  The more motion I make, the less progress I see.  It's terribly frustrating. 

I try very hard to keep my philosophies for living appropriately in front of me, and thereby keep my mouth shut whenever the savage mood takes me.  I know I don't have the right to take out this vitriol on anybody else; it's not their fault I have no patience left.  If I can just make it two more weeks, I can restore my supply and be more like the person I want to be again.