Socially Inept

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
Jean Giraudoux

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
Oscar Wilde

This is not a post to which I expect response. It's another one of those where I just need to say something "out loud" to work through it and get over it. Watch out, here there be dragons....

I have no social skills. Meetings like the one I've been going to this week always bring that particular aspect of my personality back to slap me in the face with it over and over again. I am deeply uncomfortable in situations where I don't know anybody and am happier just sitting in the corner and working by myself.

Today, I got crammed into a group activity in the meeting, and I couldn't wait until it was over. The people I was working with were fine. They weren't overwhelmingly arrogant or irritating. They were intelligent and friendly. I don't know what my problem with things like this is.

I do okay in small groups even though I'm uncomfortable. The place I'm worst in is with small talk. I do not bubble or effervesce. I lack every Southern female wile. I can, if necessary, force myself to do it, but the whole time I feel like I'm lying or acting. I wish people well, but for some reason, I am reluctant to be drawn into the chatty trivialities that are so much a part of these things.

I know I come off badly. I don't know what to do about it. I develop permanent foot-in-mouth syndrome, so I frequently just use non-committal noises or nod, smile, and laugh. I just don't know what to say.

I miss being in Japan during these times. In Japan, there wasn't this incredible pressure to make social small talk. Nobody thought you were snotty or snobby if you didn't float from group to group with witty repartee. It was okay to be the shy, quiet person in the corner. Here, I just feel like a lumbering freak. I want to run away and hide with a book.

As I said, I do not really look for comments here. I just had a bad day and needed to vent.