To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Not in the suicidal, existential Hamlet way, though....

I can't sleep anymore. For about three weeks, I've had horrible sleeplessness. I stay awake, almost preternaturally awake until sometime between two and four a.m.. I usually go to bed long before that, but I can't seem to reach deep sleep anymore. Every little cat shift and dog whuffle wakes me up.

When I do finally doze off, I have horrible dreams. For those of you who know me, you know my run of the mill dreams are odd and vivid. These are the wake-up-yelling type. One night a couple of weeks ago,I dreamed I was trapped in a hospital or school on fire. I won't go into more of it than that, but even thinking about it makes me profoundly disturbed even after all these waking hours have passed. I have dreamed about those who are gone, people I don't know, places I've been and places I hope I never really see.

I've tried all kinds of remedies: taking long walks, reading, listening to quiet music, taking hot showers before bedtime, keeping the room cooler or warmer, and avoiding caffeine late in the evening. Nothing seems to work. That's why I'm still awake right now blogging when I would be much better served by sleeping.

It's getting worse, night by night. Right now, I feel so wired that I could do laps around the pasture. I don't know what's causing it and I don't know what to do about it. I just keep getting more and more irritable in the daytime with things that don't matter because I'm not getting enough rest or real rest at night.

I go through periods like this every once in awhile. I suppose everybody probably does. I just don't understand why it's so intense this time or where the dreams are coming from. Just for tonight, I'd really like to have a night of pleasant dreams where no monsters come out and nothing that's innocent on the surface turns horrible on closer inspection. Just for tonight, I'd like to get some rest and not feel sick in the morning.