And I'll get up and fly away and give up all this stuff...
I don't need anybody
But I want someone"
But I want someone"
~"Meheni Rachi"
Sad, tired, and my head hurts. It happens so fast. It steals the joy. I kept coming back to that old phrase today about putting pearls down and letting them be trampled. There's a reason it's wrong to do that. There's a reason I won't do it anymore. Every action has its...etc., etc.
All the stress I had escaped this past weekend is bad like a horrible beast sitting on my back sinking its teeth into my neck, feeding with abandon. I can almost reach a hand up and feel its scaly skin. I despise this situation, and although I am doing things to change it, I have to survive it first.
I left school immediately after bus duty was over, came home, put Roux on her leash, and as I was walking her, I heard a strange chirruping bird call. I looked up into a dead tree at the edge of the yard, and I saw a small woodpecker working on the shattered top of the tree. Somehow, it made some of the twisting tension in my head ease. Maybe it made me think of Moundville or the weekend I'd had or just anything other than the pure stupid crap day I had just ended. Maybe I was thinking about all the symbolism for the woodpecker I'd looked up. Maybe I was just daydreaming again about that beautiful hand-carved shell necklace with the woodpecker totem on it that I will probably go get this weekend at the museum shop in Moundville even if it is far more than my delicate budget can afford because I cannot get it out of my mind. I don't know, but I watched the little bird bob and chirp for a long while before it flew away.
Today is another one of those days when I want somebody to lean against, just for a minute. It would be nice, just for a minute. Things are stupid today, and when they get stupid, like this song says, it's not necessarily that I need somebody, but that I want them. Guess I will have to do what I always do, mend and make do. God, I'm so very tired.
Sad, tired, and my head hurts. It happens so fast. It steals the joy. I kept coming back to that old phrase today about putting pearls down and letting them be trampled. There's a reason it's wrong to do that. There's a reason I won't do it anymore. Every action has its...etc., etc.
All the stress I had escaped this past weekend is bad like a horrible beast sitting on my back sinking its teeth into my neck, feeding with abandon. I can almost reach a hand up and feel its scaly skin. I despise this situation, and although I am doing things to change it, I have to survive it first.
I left school immediately after bus duty was over, came home, put Roux on her leash, and as I was walking her, I heard a strange chirruping bird call. I looked up into a dead tree at the edge of the yard, and I saw a small woodpecker working on the shattered top of the tree. Somehow, it made some of the twisting tension in my head ease. Maybe it made me think of Moundville or the weekend I'd had or just anything other than the pure stupid crap day I had just ended. Maybe I was thinking about all the symbolism for the woodpecker I'd looked up. Maybe I was just daydreaming again about that beautiful hand-carved shell necklace with the woodpecker totem on it that I will probably go get this weekend at the museum shop in Moundville even if it is far more than my delicate budget can afford because I cannot get it out of my mind. I don't know, but I watched the little bird bob and chirp for a long while before it flew away.
Today is another one of those days when I want somebody to lean against, just for a minute. It would be nice, just for a minute. Things are stupid today, and when they get stupid, like this song says, it's not necessarily that I need somebody, but that I want them. Guess I will have to do what I always do, mend and make do. God, I'm so very tired.
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And then you said.....