Headaches and Origami Cranes

"What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork." -- Pearl Bailey

There is so much crap in my profession. You have to be willing to put on hipwaders and try to ford it to get to the act of educating. I hate it. I hate the pointless waste of time. I hate how many hours of my life the tedious, useless details steal. People who haven't been in a classroom in years, and in many cases, EVER, are making rules that directly affect my job AND my students' chances of success. For a bunch of supposedly educated people, I have never in my life run across leaders so willing to jump on whatever bandwagon comes by with pretty streamers, a shiny brass band, and a slick publication package.

Add to that the fact that we actually have to take huge steps to protect ourselves from the parents of the kids for whom we pour out our hearts. Every flipping thing has become grounds for a lawsuit. This group sues because their kids can't pass the state tests. That group hauls in a lawyer because baby boy has been expelled for bringing a gun to school. Another group starts a loud, ignorant protest over the reading selections on the school's list. I am tired. It won't change. I should just stop thinking about it.

Today was doomed from the start, I guess. Last night, I could not sleep. That happens to me fairly often, especially before any kind of change in my routine. Going back to work after our holiday break was one of those transitions apparently. I spent most of the night alternating back and forth between listening to my cats snore and browsing through a Bas Bleu catalog. I guess I must have dozed off finally, and 5:30 came far, far too early.

When I got to my classroom, I took down my Christmas decorations. Even more so than at home, taking down those lights around my door was sad. I am basically just a 5-year-old trapped in a much older body about some things, and colored Christmas lights are one of those things that always makes my heart a little happier.

I worked on the bulletin board that I have adopted right outside my doorway, and put up an assortment of haiku and tanka. I'm going to try to introduce my students to a bit of the Japanese culture I love so well. The rest of the English hall seems to like my efforts, and it makes me much happier than the old, blank, forlorn board did.

After lunch, we had a faculty meeting, and that's where the headache began. Literally. I am not a patient person in meetings. It's a fault. I spent most of it folding paper cranes, an activity that may not sound soothing, but which actually serves a dual purpose. It keeps my hands busy, and gives me something to focus my attention on so I don't get up, scream incoherently, and run away. Sometimes, I also draw on my notepad, but today was full of beautiful paper cranes.

I know meetings like that are a part of any profession, but the thing that kills me is that I'm never sure how much of it is supposed to apply to me, personally. If I'm doing something wrong, I want my administrators to come to me and say, "Hey you, quit doing that. It's stupid. Okay? Do this instead." I don't want them to corral me and 80+ other people and make general statements about major problem isssues that seem to be cropping up and hindering progress. Especially when those general statements run on for hours.

Now, I have only the deepest respect for my administrator. The administrator is a fabulous person who is totally dedicated to my school and the students. The whole situation today was just frustrating on several levels. The administrator, hereafter to be referred to as A, was talking and several of my colleagues were just talking away as if no one was trying to present. This kind of behavior goes on all the time, and I've seen it at several different places, so normally it doesn't bother me. It's sort of a subtext and background noise. Today, though, there was such an element of blatant disrespect. A actually had to ask them to be quiet. A roomful of professionals, and A had to ask for quiet. If it hadn't been for my origami cranes, I probably really would have run out.

After the meeting ground all of us to dust, we were finally released. The meeting had gone on for an hour and a half. I was so tired. I had so much that I wanted and needed to do before I left, but I just gathered up my crap and headed out.

One false alarm car problem and take-out pick up later, I was speeding down the interstate headed for home so sick at my stomach and in my head that I probably shouldn't have been driving. I took some tylenol and a short nap and am up for round 2 with the school preps for tomorrow.

Nothing amazing today. Just a bunch of crap that gave birth to 12 to 15 origami cranes and a headache of epic proportions. I'm going to use the safety rail and totter off my soapbox now. I hope a hot shower and a night's sleep will restore me for tomorrow.