Things People Have Taught Me

I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma. ~Eartha Kitt

This is another day of double posting, but I wanted to list some of the things I've learned from the people who have moved through my life.

1. The Rules and the Instructions Are Important -- I owe my cousin L. for this. He was always the one who took the time to open the rule sheet and figure out where all the game pieces went when we were growing up. As I've gotten older and had to deal with increasing levels of paperwork and red tape, I have again and again reminded myself that I can't play the game correctly if I don't read the instructions. Of course, this doesn't always stop me from throwing them out the window if they don't suit me. I was always the creative illogic foil to his methodical and logical tactics.

2. Getting Sick Is Not the End -- I watched my grandmother fight two separate types of cancer. The first went into remission, but we lost her to the second. Never at any time, even at the end, did she give up. I can't imagine how much pain she must have been in.
A few years ago, I went through a period where the doctors thought I might have cancer. It was the worst two weeks of my entire life. The one thought I kept going back to was Granny and how brave she was. Living here in the house that was hers, I could almost feel that courage here during that time. By the grace of God, it wasn't cancer for me that time. A day may come when I have to deal with it again. I hope I can remember her lesson if that day ever comes.

3. Overly Smooth Guys Are Dangerous, or, Two-Week Romances Suck -- Okay, this one probably should be a "duh" lesson, but I suppose everybody has to learn this one for him/herself. I learned this one at the hands of a brief grad school romance with T. I should have known I was in over my head with him, but at the time, I guess I wasn't thinking of much at all. Now that's not true. There were all sorts of warning signals of how poorly suited we were to each other...big flashing red lights and klaxons of deafening intensity. None of that seemed to matter when we were together. I won't lie and say it was all bad, but the aftermath was so horrible for me that it sort of outweighed the rest. I learned my lesson well. Now, a guy is going to have to be very determined, patient, and we're going to have to have a whole heck of a lot more time to figure things out between us. I'm not a "fling" girl. Things that move at light speed seem to fall apart with the same rapidity. Of course, it's rather double-edged. Since T., there's been at least one really great guy that I lost my chance with because of my fears. However, I think this lesson probably kept me from making a real fool out of myself recently, so I don't know that it's always wrong, either.

4. Look Up or You'll Miss Something -- I owe this to my friend T. (not the same T. mentioned in #3) from Japan. While I appreciate architecture, I never really raised my eyes above head level much unless I was in a place with sky-scraper type buildings. T. showed us the beautiful details on Japanese rooftops and I started looking up. There was a whole other world up there, full of carvings, protective insignia and charms, and personal art subtly adorning the rain-slickened gray roofs. In London, I had the pleasure of looking up again. Everywhere there were details and frills that I would have missed, works of arts and pleasures for the eye above street level. I am grateful for being taught to notice the unexpected. Now, I continue the habit T. instilled in me when we were walking through Nara and one of my favorite things to look for when I'm shooting B/W film is the hidden architectural gem.

5. Watch the News Even If It Makes You Cry -- This is a recent lesson I learned from I. His whole life revolves around current events, and he reminded me of the importance of knowing what's going on in the world. I have always much preferred the comfortable gossamer insulation of the world of fantasy or the affairs of people who have been dead for hundreds of years. I can't stand to see the evil that people constantly inflict on each other. This isn't to say that I don't know anything about what's going on, but I really haven't been keeping up with news in a responsible way. My very job as an TESOL professional means its my obligation to know and understand the issues that affect and shape the lives of my students. I haven't been living up to this. I had a conversation with I walking (at high speed) around the streets of a city in England, and I realized that I couldn't make my opinion understood. (I know some of you will fall over at the idea that I couldn't express myself, but yeah, it happened.) Recently, things seem to have gotten so much more horrible and life seems to have reached all-time levels of cheapness. I am not offering this as an excuse. I know that not paying attention doesn't make it go away. However, even though I still don't think I can stand long stints of CNN/FOXNews, etc., I have to be more responsible.

6. I Can Do It -- This is something so many people have contributed to that I have a hard time attributing it. Over and over, there have been things that I didn't think I could do. A couple of specific examples that come to mind are the first time I was going to submit a poem for a contest and the first time I wanted to go abroad and was trying to think of a way to break it to my parents. I was encouraged to do both of these things by my college friend D. Going over the side of Penrhyn Castle is probably the most recent example. In this case a kind young woman from New Zealand was involved. All such experiences, of which the listed few here are but a drop in the proverbial bucket, and the people, whether they are people who are still in my life, or whether they are people who only passed through just long enough to give me that needed nudge/shove, helped me push my own boundaries and have given my courage to do "the thing I think I cannot do." I am grateful to them as I face the future challenges of life.

There are other lessons, of course. Even within these few recorded here, layers of new knowledge remain unexplored, only to be harvested with reflection. I just wanted to put these out there as a tribute to those who, intentionally or not, helped me learn them.