Etc., Etc., Ad Nauseum

(a list)

• I started teaching my Mythology class today officially.  It is going to be great fun.  I love it, and I think the students will have a good time, too.
• I should be asleep, especially since I haven't gotten much sleep this week, but....
• I feel compelled to write here because...
• I am torn between two emotions.  On the one hand, things are going pretty well.  I have things to look forward to, things that make me happy.  My work life has stabilized.  I should be happy, but....
• There are pockets tucked into hidden corners, the contents of which make me sad and frustrated, mostly I think because...
• I want something I can't have.  Ever.  Shouldn't have.  Am not capable of having even in the smallest measure. Which brings me to my biggest question...
• How do I turn off that wanting?  How do I set it aside and pretend like it's not there?  Will the pretending make it real sooner or later?  If I just close my eyes, plug my ears, ignore it, will it fade away from lack of attention?  Life would be so much kinder if I were just dead inside, mindless and automated.  This constant state of feeling every little bump in the road is too much.  I need better shock absorbers for my soul.  And so, I guess...
• I will just go to bed now.  Sleep and hope not to dream.  Try to focus on the positive.  Try to be a support instead of needing to be supported.  Live up to the adage about giving and receiving.  Close my eyes another day and hope I don't bump into too many things that will bruise me in the process.