Things I enjoy have become a chore, so I'm throwing them down and walking away from them for a little while. Some of my writing, something I've been loving lately, has become a source of pressure instead of pleasure, and I can tell that in the quality of it, so I'm going to just take a break from it. I have been turning out huge chunks of stuff lately, and until the last week, it has felt good to do it. Last week, though, it started to feel like a chore, something I had to come home and do. I think I'd rather take a long vacation and come back to it with fresh eyes. Maybe it will become a joy again.
In the meanwhile, I went shopping at my favorite office store this afternoon, got Mexican takeout, and ordered a new book on my Kindle. I've been writing instead of reading lately. I am looking forward to consuming instead of producing. It will be a nice change.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
The First Cool Day
I woke up this morning and it was only about 59 degrees. Tasty weather. I love autumn. It's my favorite season, and it's all too often one that we lose here in the Deep South. I love the cool mornings and evenings when I can open my windows and air out the house, listen to the crickets and frogs singing. It's wonderful. I feel energized, long to be outdoors, even willing to do yardwork.
I came home early this afternoon just so I could open up all the windows and enjoy the air. Even driving home, before I got on the interstate, I was riding with my car windows down, too. It was great. I hope we will actually have a long and wonderful fall before the wet cold of winter sets in. It would be nice for a change.
I came home early this afternoon just so I could open up all the windows and enjoy the air. Even driving home, before I got on the interstate, I was riding with my car windows down, too. It was great. I hope we will actually have a long and wonderful fall before the wet cold of winter sets in. It would be nice for a change.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
More Stuff I'm Using My iPod For
Two more apps that are making me very, very happy...
Maneki Neko Lite -- Yeah, somebody out there programmed an animated maneki neko. Love it. It gives you a fortune every day. It makes me laugh. Other than this, it is totally and utterly useless, but I now have a neko on my phone. Classic.
iBird Explorer South -- This is a field guide for bird watchers, and it is seven kinds of good. It has drawings, calls, and photos in it. I used it today while my parents and I were having lunch to settle a long-running argument we've had about whether or not a bird they've been seeing was a golden eagle, one of the ones recently released at a wildlife sanctuary nearby. Apparently it was. I also drove their dog insane with the crow call. It was a good day....
One more I'll mention, even though I only said two at the top -- I got iLava. I know that makes me even geekier than I was before, but *sigh* you know...
Maneki Neko Lite -- Yeah, somebody out there programmed an animated maneki neko. Love it. It gives you a fortune every day. It makes me laugh. Other than this, it is totally and utterly useless, but I now have a neko on my phone. Classic.
iBird Explorer South -- This is a field guide for bird watchers, and it is seven kinds of good. It has drawings, calls, and photos in it. I used it today while my parents and I were having lunch to settle a long-running argument we've had about whether or not a bird they've been seeing was a golden eagle, one of the ones recently released at a wildlife sanctuary nearby. Apparently it was. I also drove their dog insane with the crow call. It was a good day....
One more I'll mention, even though I only said two at the top -- I got iLava. I know that makes me even geekier than I was before, but *sigh* you know...
Banjo Sunday
I tried the banjo for the first time tonight. What a complex instrument. They always show it in the hands of backwoods idiots in stereotypical portrayals, but I am here to tell you that the instrument is not for the faint-of-heart.
I think I might love it.
I have always liked the way it sounds. There's something about the register of it that I find lovely in the right hands, Bela Fleck, Noam Pikelny, Gregory List, and those who truly love it, innovate with it. I don't know if I can teach myself to play it, or even learn it without a teacher. There are a bunch of bluegrass guys at my church, and I might get myself an inexpensive banjo, a starter banjo if you will, and go hang out with them.
It's been years since I played a stringed instrument, and they always feel so foreign in my hands. The banjo, I have to say, feels less so than any I've held. It almost feels...right. The guitar never has. I have always felt like I was fighting with it, trying to get it cradled on my body correctly, wishing that the calluses weren't necessary, and absolutely loathing the sound of them being tuned, that horrible bending of notes and pitches caused by turning the tuning keys. I love to hear guitar played, but I don't like being the one doing it. Maybe the banjo is my stringed instrument.
I feel a little funny taking up a whole new instrument here at thirty-three. I don't know why. The age thing shouldn't matter at all. I guess there is never any better time to start something new than right now, also. Maybe if I can figure out those darn finger rolls, I can at least learn to play with the guys at church and gain a new appreciation for Bela, Pickles, and the rest of those amazing artists I already enjoy.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Gun Philosophy
I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string. ~Scott Adams
Ernst Stadler's "The Saying"
"The Saying"
In an old book
I stumbled across a saying.
It was like a stranger
punching me in the face,
it won’t stop
gnawing at me.
When I walk around at night,
looking for a beautiful girl,
when a lie or a description
of life or somebody’s fake
way of being with people
occurs instead of reality,
when I betray myself with
an easy explanation
as if what’s dark is clear,
as if life doesn’t have thousands
of locked, burning gates,
when I use words without really
having known their strict openness
and put my hands around things
that don’t excite me,
when a dream hides my face with soft hands
and the day avoids me,
cut off from the world,
cut off from who I am deeply,
I freeze where I am
and see hanging in the air in front of me
STOP BEING A GHOST!
–Ernst Stadler (paraphrase by Stephen Berg)
from The Steel Cricket: Versions 1958-1997 also found in Poet's Choice by Edward Hirsch
This poem moves me. It reminds me that all too often we find ourselves just going through the motions instead of chasing the bliss, accepting the surface explanations instead of clawing our way to the true heart. Another more literal translation of the last line from the original German is "Man, become substantial" according to Hirsch. I think I like this even better. The idea of becoming substantial, becoming someone who is aware, someone who matters, someone able to stand for something.
I wish I had time and an opportunity to learn German (as, I suppose, I wish I had time to learn all the languages) so I could read this poem in its original. I have a feeling that every line is a powerful as this one, and I hate that I'm shut out of that by the linguistic barrier. Maybe I can find a way to do that on my own, with a book or something. That would be a great way to work on being substantial, I think, to start appreciating the world on a deeper level.
In an old book
I stumbled across a saying.
It was like a stranger
punching me in the face,
it won’t stop
gnawing at me.
When I walk around at night,
looking for a beautiful girl,
when a lie or a description
of life or somebody’s fake
way of being with people
occurs instead of reality,
when I betray myself with
an easy explanation
as if what’s dark is clear,
as if life doesn’t have thousands
of locked, burning gates,
when I use words without really
having known their strict openness
and put my hands around things
that don’t excite me,
when a dream hides my face with soft hands
and the day avoids me,
cut off from the world,
cut off from who I am deeply,
I freeze where I am
and see hanging in the air in front of me
STOP BEING A GHOST!
–Ernst Stadler (paraphrase by Stephen Berg)
from The Steel Cricket: Versions 1958-1997 also found in Poet's Choice by Edward Hirsch
This poem moves me. It reminds me that all too often we find ourselves just going through the motions instead of chasing the bliss, accepting the surface explanations instead of clawing our way to the true heart. Another more literal translation of the last line from the original German is "Man, become substantial" according to Hirsch. I think I like this even better. The idea of becoming substantial, becoming someone who is aware, someone who matters, someone able to stand for something.
I wish I had time and an opportunity to learn German (as, I suppose, I wish I had time to learn all the languages) so I could read this poem in its original. I have a feeling that every line is a powerful as this one, and I hate that I'm shut out of that by the linguistic barrier. Maybe I can find a way to do that on my own, with a book or something. That would be a great way to work on being substantial, I think, to start appreciating the world on a deeper level.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Staffordshire Hoard
I am teaching Beowulf again right now, and this news article was posted to an electronic teacher group of which I'm a part. A guy with a metal detector found a cache of Anglo-Saxon gold that is actually larger than the 1939 Sutton Hoo treasure. It's amazing. There's even a folded gold strip with writing on it, a Bible verse. That's the thing you see in the picture at the top of my blog tonight. The archaeologists, of course, are about to come completely unglued with it since it's one of the first major finds since Sutton Hoo for the Anglo-Saxons. I can't wait to see what it teaches them, how it will inform what we know about Beowulf and the culture that surrounds it. What a neat time to be alive! If you'd like to see more of it, then click here.
Wishing for Clarity
Lately, I've been having that "something's missing" feeling again, that feeling that I need to be going or doing or seeing something else. It's itchy feet season for me, and I know it will only get worse as October progresses. I don't know why it's always this time of year when I start looking off and away to the horizons, start to feel my wings flutter, wishing to unfurl and carry me far away.
I want to see something that isn't here. I want it so badly that I can taste it. I want it so badly that I'm dreaming of it, dreaming of putting my old backpack on and becoming a face in a crowd somewhere, jetlagged and awestruck, sliding through a throng of people in a place where I don't speak the language to see something older than my country. Alternately, I would also be happy taking the same backpack and going to a place where there is practically nobody, sitting on a hillside and watching nature explain itself for a few days. Just somewhere else, some other nature.
I wish somebody would just show up at my house, throw me in the back of a vehicle, and take me out of town for a few days. Every time an opportunity has come up for me to go and do lately, something has come up to prevent my taking advantage of it. Maybe if somebody just kidnapped me, I wouldn't be able to come up with an excuse. I need to get out of my routine, out of myself for a little while, and sometimes the only way I can escape all that is to get away physically.
If I don't go somewhere soon, the Stupids are going to kick in, and God help us all if my reckless side gets a chance to bare its teeth and come out to play.... The decisions I make when the Stupids kick in invariably go something like this, "Yeah. Okay. Why the ($#* not? Might be fun. Sure." And while that's a great attitude to have sometimes because it keeps your mind open and allows you to have new experiences, the little sensor upstairs should always be active. When the Stupids kick in, the little sensor folds up his chair and goes home for about a week, so just about everything not involving illegal substances suddenly sounds like a good idea. That's how I wound up with T., one big, bad, serious case of the Stupids. Had the little sensor been doing his job, I would have run far, far away from that whole thing...
Therefore, I think I have to plan some kind of trip soon for public safety. Otherwise, gentle readers, it may be up to you to come after me with the butterfly nets when the Stupids get me. All I'll ask of you is that you please be gentle.
I want to see something that isn't here. I want it so badly that I can taste it. I want it so badly that I'm dreaming of it, dreaming of putting my old backpack on and becoming a face in a crowd somewhere, jetlagged and awestruck, sliding through a throng of people in a place where I don't speak the language to see something older than my country. Alternately, I would also be happy taking the same backpack and going to a place where there is practically nobody, sitting on a hillside and watching nature explain itself for a few days. Just somewhere else, some other nature.
I wish somebody would just show up at my house, throw me in the back of a vehicle, and take me out of town for a few days. Every time an opportunity has come up for me to go and do lately, something has come up to prevent my taking advantage of it. Maybe if somebody just kidnapped me, I wouldn't be able to come up with an excuse. I need to get out of my routine, out of myself for a little while, and sometimes the only way I can escape all that is to get away physically.
If I don't go somewhere soon, the Stupids are going to kick in, and God help us all if my reckless side gets a chance to bare its teeth and come out to play.... The decisions I make when the Stupids kick in invariably go something like this, "Yeah. Okay. Why the ($#* not? Might be fun. Sure." And while that's a great attitude to have sometimes because it keeps your mind open and allows you to have new experiences, the little sensor upstairs should always be active. When the Stupids kick in, the little sensor folds up his chair and goes home for about a week, so just about everything not involving illegal substances suddenly sounds like a good idea. That's how I wound up with T., one big, bad, serious case of the Stupids. Had the little sensor been doing his job, I would have run far, far away from that whole thing...
Therefore, I think I have to plan some kind of trip soon for public safety. Otherwise, gentle readers, it may be up to you to come after me with the butterfly nets when the Stupids get me. All I'll ask of you is that you please be gentle.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Gorgeous Voice
You may have read my brief commentary on the Four Corners free sampler from Amazon the other day. On it, I found an artist named Sara Tavares. Her voice and acoustic guitar are absolutely haunting. She is from Cape Verde, a nation I am ashamed to say I knew nothing about until I used Wikipedia to correct my ignorance. I recognized her lyrics in some of the songs as Portuguese, one of my favorite languages I don't speak, but I was off about the location of her origin. I'm sure there is also Kriolu, the Cape Verde Portuguese Creole, there, too, but I don't know enough about Portuguese to sort it all out. It's all so liquid and lovely to my ears that it doesn't make an appreciable difference, anyway. I love Portuguese, so I bet its derivatives are beautiful, too. Anyway, check Sara out. Her stuff is gorgeous.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Weather, Again
Seems like I'm blogging lots of storms lately, but if you could just see the one out my window right now, I think you'd agree that it's blog-worthy. Geez....
I stayed at school too long this afternoon trying desperately to get stuff done in my usual fashion, and when I looked up, the lazy sun was gone and the roiling black clouds of destruction were coming over the horizon. I think I'm just going to wait it out here for awhile. I don't fancy trying to drive in all that.
Oh well. I'm sure I can find something to do. I just wish I didn't feel quite so much like crawling under my desk to do it....
I stayed at school too long this afternoon trying desperately to get stuff done in my usual fashion, and when I looked up, the lazy sun was gone and the roiling black clouds of destruction were coming over the horizon. I think I'm just going to wait it out here for awhile. I don't fancy trying to drive in all that.
Oh well. I'm sure I can find something to do. I just wish I didn't feel quite so much like crawling under my desk to do it....
Monday, September 21, 2009
Monday
It Monday-ed on me. I feel like I've been beaten up. I wish I had somebody I could come home to, curl up against, feel strong arms hold me. Is it weak to wish for this? Part of me thinks so... The warrior in me thinks I should pick myself up off the floor, wipe the blood and tears off my face and go on.
Sometimes, though, even the blade-wielding battle queen wishes there were an equal, a mate here at the end of days like this, days when I watch people walk off cliffs they'd have done better to avoid, days when I feel like I'm banging my head on the same big rocks to no useful end, days when the sun sets and I can't tell that any forward motion has been made at all, that anything I've done has made one scrap of difference to anybody. I have to say that it would be nice, really, really more than nice, to have that other around to balance me.
I don't know, really. Most of the time, I'm okay alone since it seems that this is my fate, this solitary path. It's just when the Mondays come that the alone seems too much to be asked to carry.
Sometimes, though, even the blade-wielding battle queen wishes there were an equal, a mate here at the end of days like this, days when I watch people walk off cliffs they'd have done better to avoid, days when I feel like I'm banging my head on the same big rocks to no useful end, days when the sun sets and I can't tell that any forward motion has been made at all, that anything I've done has made one scrap of difference to anybody. I have to say that it would be nice, really, really more than nice, to have that other around to balance me.
I don't know, really. Most of the time, I'm okay alone since it seems that this is my fate, this solitary path. It's just when the Mondays come that the alone seems too much to be asked to carry.
Storm
I'm sitting in the middle of a room full of windows on the second floor of a building in the midst of a fairly impressive thunderstorm hoping I don't get struck by lightning. This is not what I'd call a position of confidence.
Bad weather doesn't, as a rule, scare me, but the other day, I was in this same place and lightning kicked up sparks from some unknown object in the corner, so I'm a little wary. I moved a few things, metal odds and ends I was just stupid to have put so close to the windows, and I think I took care of the lightning rod effect which may actually have just been built-up static electricity rather than a direct strike, but still...
I know I need to recharge my batteries, but I don't think I mean that literally. Let's hope that changing this space around wasn't a huge, electrifying mistake on my part.
Bad weather doesn't, as a rule, scare me, but the other day, I was in this same place and lightning kicked up sparks from some unknown object in the corner, so I'm a little wary. I moved a few things, metal odds and ends I was just stupid to have put so close to the windows, and I think I took care of the lightning rod effect which may actually have just been built-up static electricity rather than a direct strike, but still...
I know I need to recharge my batteries, but I don't think I mean that literally. Let's hope that changing this space around wasn't a huge, electrifying mistake on my part.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Planets
An application I've been having tremendous fun with on my iPhone touch is Planets. It's a stargazing application, but it does a lot of other things, too. It shows information about the planets and their moons, will tell you moonrise and set, sunrise and set, and also has a map showing what's currently the daylight and dark including the lights of the world via a satellite map of the globe. It's amazing. If you are interested in astronomy or just curious and have an iPhone or iPod touch, you might check it out if you don't already have it. I plan on taking mine out to my country shack when our rainy season clears out a bit more and spending some time reacquainting myself with the constellations.
Star Wars
Can I make the ultimate geek confession? I think the end of Return of the Jedi, the battle between Darth Vader and Luke and the subsequent destruction of the Emperor as Vader turns away from the Dark Side are some of the finest moments in film. Okay, so maybe it's not Casablanca or Cary Grant carrying that glowing glass of liquid up the stairs in Suspicion, but there is something so powerful about this scene.
The mythology layered in is a huge part of it. The myth of the young hero coming to confront his fallen father, coming to complete the quest that has taken him from boyhood to adult awareness, that has allowed him to test himself and pass, is wonderful no matter in which version it appears. That this story is actually the story of two men striving for definition has always fascinated me.
As much as I always liked Luke growing up, Vader was always my favorite. If you've read here much, you know I always love the monsters, anyway, and Vader was probably the first one of these to catch my attention. I love that at the very end, he gets a chance to redeem himself, to step away from all his bad decisions and be, at least for a brief moment, the man he was meant to be.
While I'm not one of those who run around espousing the "Jedi religion" or anything too crazy like that (at least not about Star Wars, anyway), I have always thought this is part of the message of Star Wars, that the possibility for redemption and change always exists, and that it can cause profound change when it happens, not just for the individual but for everyone connected to him or her as well. It's a powerful message, and one I personally believe to be true. I guess it's one of the reasons I always watch the films and why I have so many little Darth Vader doodads. Well, that and the fact that they're just so darn cool...
Saturday, September 19, 2009
A Wonderful Free Thing
I stopped by Amazon to pick up an mp3 this morning, and while it was downloading, I started looking at their free music samplers. Lots of them I have absolutely zero interest in, but I found two that I love: Verve Vault Presents Rhythm, Strings, and Cool Breezy Jazz Sampler and the Four Quarters Sampler of "world music" a term I hate but a sound I find captivating. These are very nice little collections for no money whatsoever, and they work fine in iTunes. Love you, Amazon. Gracias.
Friday, September 18, 2009
What’s the Difference? » Geek vs. Nerd vs. Dork
God, I love words. I love the history of them, the way they change and grow. Language is funny and fun. Here's a little Mental Floss article that entertained me.
What’s the Difference? » Geek vs. Nerd vs. Dork
What’s the Difference? » Geek vs. Nerd vs. Dork
Magic
I think I said I'd put this up. I still don't know if I like it. It is still evolving...I just added a line as I put it up on the blog, and I might well take it out again next time I do something with it. I may stick this one back on the back burner for awhile. Comments are welcome.
MAGIC
I’m going to conjure you
write your secret name
in sacred symbols
three times
bind it with scarlet and silver
put it under my pillow
stroke my fingers over your knotwork
in the still and silent hours
Don’t be fickle or cruel
in those moments when
the moon spills over
the world breathes
lying listening for
the rustle of wings
Amused half-cat-smile
cerulean archangel eyes
Curl those hands in invitation
The oldest magic
will bind us together
breath and soul
even if the stars
fall from the sky
tonight
MAGIC
I’m going to conjure you
write your secret name
in sacred symbols
three times
bind it with scarlet and silver
put it under my pillow
stroke my fingers over your knotwork
in the still and silent hours
Don’t be fickle or cruel
in those moments when
the moon spills over
the world breathes
lying listening for
the rustle of wings
Amused half-cat-smile
cerulean archangel eyes
Curl those hands in invitation
The oldest magic
will bind us together
breath and soul
even if the stars
fall from the sky
tonight
Thursday, September 17, 2009
One Last Post Tonight
...before I go do other things. I wrote a poem today, my first new poetry in awhile. I may put it up here in a couple of days. I think my written voice is changing. It's strange. I guess if things don't change, they die, but I don't know if I'm entirely comfortable with the evolution. Maybe it's not supposed to be a comfortable process, the becoming.... Maybe I just need to get away for awhile, get some fresh water into the pool. That's always helped in the past. Maybe I just need a good swift kick. That couldn't hurt, probably, most days.... Who knows? I am just unsettled by the difference.
The Beauty of Technology
I am constantly amazed by what technology allows me to do. I have almost a whole season of Warehouse 13 on my DVR right now, and I don't even know how much David Tennant-y DW goodness is waiting from Sunday's all day BBC-America goodness for me to enjoy at my leisure. Since TV frequently stinks or bores me, I adore this thing and can't understand for the life of me why I waited so long to get one. It's so nice not to have to worry about how long I'm gone so that the few shows I do actually care about following are waiting on me when I can get around to them.
My iPod touch is also a thing of loveliness. Apple just makes nice stuff. I am having so much fun with this little gadget. I am trying not to be tacky and run around stores and so forth with it in my ears, but I have to say it's tempting. Having all my music in one place constantly makes me happy, and the apps that Apple has allow customization on an epic scale, which is absolutely right up my alley.
Of course, my little netbook still fascinates me. I mean, it fits in my freakin' purse. How nifty is that? I love it when tech tools are powerful and small. It makes me smile. Huginn is in fact the thing I'm using right now to blog this...
A future gadget I'm interested in is the tablet Apple is coming out with. It also looks like a thing I would love. If it does half of what they say it will, it will probably go on my drool list. Maybe I can add it to my geek stash in the future, to this list of beautiful technology that makes my life better and easier.
My iPod touch is also a thing of loveliness. Apple just makes nice stuff. I am having so much fun with this little gadget. I am trying not to be tacky and run around stores and so forth with it in my ears, but I have to say it's tempting. Having all my music in one place constantly makes me happy, and the apps that Apple has allow customization on an epic scale, which is absolutely right up my alley.
Of course, my little netbook still fascinates me. I mean, it fits in my freakin' purse. How nifty is that? I love it when tech tools are powerful and small. It makes me smile. Huginn is in fact the thing I'm using right now to blog this...
A future gadget I'm interested in is the tablet Apple is coming out with. It also looks like a thing I would love. If it does half of what they say it will, it will probably go on my drool list. Maybe I can add it to my geek stash in the future, to this list of beautiful technology that makes my life better and easier.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)