Pain

Headache.  Day off.  Headache.

This is my life right now.  I don't know why.  Maybe it's the weather.  Maybe it's the stress.  Maybe it's just crap to be me sometimes.

I get so tired of hurting.  On the Topamax, off it, it doesn't seem to matter.  Why can't I just be a normal person?  The kind who doesn't feel like her head is going to explode every time there's a flashing light on a cop car or a thunderstorm blowing in.

Last night, it hit me as I was preparing to play for the revival service.  All the lights were too bright.  I toughed it out, though.  I finished the congregational hymns and then I stumbled out and drove myself home.  The whole way, I drove about 35 mph, saying, "I can do this.  I can do this.  I can do this...."  I hope it would have made Mrs. Sarah, my music teacher, proud.

Some of my most immediate stress ended today.  I still have a couple of more things to resolve, but maybe if I can get all this stuff cleared up, my head won't continue to impede my living.