Missing

 I writing this because I have to do something to stay busy and give myself the illusion of control, or I'm just going to stand in my yard and scream until I die.

Chewie and Roux are both missing.  I let them out yesterday about 3:00 for some outdoor time.  I almost never let Roux out off her leash because she is prone to do things like wind up stuck in a tree or disappear for half the day.  However, she enjoys it so much that occasionally I do let her roam some.  Since Chewie came, they have been very reasonable about coming home before it gets late.  Her 12-hour adventures have been more like 5 or  6 hour jaunts.  He doesn't like to be away from the house for that long, and he's a good shepherd for her.  Also, she's not nearly as young as she used to be, and it's harder for her to be away for that long.

11:00 last night came and went, and no panting faces had pressed themselves against my front door looking for food and companionship.  I started to be uneasy, and I went outside and called them.  Then I waited.  1:00 came, and the Topamax said it was time to sleep.  I went out and drove around before I went to bed, something that usually brings them in.  No dogs.  I went to bed, and woke up twice during the night to check if they were outside.

At seven, when the light was good, I got up and went to the woods.  I called Mom.  She came.  We searched pretty much the entire section I live on and most of what is adjacent that my uncle owns, too.  There was no sign of them, no high pitched yelp signaling that Roux was up to her old tricks again and had gotten herself into a jam and needed help.  There was only distant birdsong from areas we weren't calling for them in and the sound of us moving through the woods.

I drove around the roads nearby, went out on a logging road across from my property on some land owned by UA to see if perhaps they had ventured out into that huge area.  There wasn't a single sign, no white curling tail, no bouncing red body.

It has been 21 hours since I saw them last.  Right now, the sweetest sound in the world to me would be the distinctive jingle of their huge collar tags, the noise I always hear as they shake their heads coming up on the porch just before I see them looking in.  I feel like a part of me has been torn out and destroyed.  I always knew that I might possibly lose one of them to an accident of some kind, conceivably to natural causes, and inevitably to old age, but to lose them both on the same day is probably going to be more than I can stand.