Less than four hours of sleep, and I'm clinging to functionality by sheer stubbornness. I'm shaking like a leaf inside. I feel like there's an electric current running under my skin. It's horrible. If everybody wouldn't think I was a basketcase (which, basically, I guess I am, but in my foolish pride I don't want them to think it), I would sit in the floor and cry. My heart feels like it is about to pound right out of my chest, and I'm so cold, like I won't ever be warm again.
This is the side of Topamax that they don't tell you about when you go in to take it for the first time: it's a demanding taskmaster. If you don't manage the dose and your sleep schedule exactly right, it will beat you into a whimpering and useless mass. I knew today would be like this when I looked at the clock last night and it was past 12:30 when I was going to bed. I should have called in for a sub today. The only way I've been able to manage is to stay constantly moving. This and the fact that the students are taking tests, meaning that I don't have to be mentally on top of my game, are the only things that are letting me get through. If I can just get to the end of the day... If... If...
I am sure this period in my life is serving a purpose other than just pointless misery. I just wish I knew what the hell it is.
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And then you said.....