You're an angel, and I'm gonna cry
'cause I can't have you
and I'm not gonna try.
"You're an Angel and I'm Gonna Cry" ~ Chris Thile
Love is all, from what I've heard, but my heart's learned to kill
Oh, mine has learned to kill
"Love Is All" ~ The Tallest Man on Earth
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I have suddenly awakened and found myself in the middle of an unexpected nightmare. It's like a rerun of something from years ago, from the old bad days of D. When the realization hit me, I almost literally couldn't breathe. I felt the walls all closing in on me. It had come on so gradually, you see, that I had not felt it closing its grasp around me until it was nearly too late to do anything about it.
Oh, it's not love, not yet. That takes a long, long time and much more. However, that doesn't stop me from knowing it's full of danger. All the signs are there. All the archetypes are on the stage and costumed appropriately. Everybody is mouthing the right lines, me included. I can see that idiot with the wings and the bow trying to sneak around in the rigging.
Right straight to hell with that.
I made a promise to myself a long time ago, and even if it means ripping my heart right out of my chest and stomping it into shattered shards on the floor, I will not walk down that road again. Not to worry, though; my heart has learned all too well how to kill. It was taught that lesson at the hands of the master.
What completely flummoxes me is that it crept up on me. Was I just so stupid, just having so much fun that I closed my eyes, or God help me, am I just that much of a fool? It does not end happily for me. Ever. Do I forget my history? Do I forget my scars? I need to put myself in a convent somewhere high in the hills where I will not be tempted by these things. The cycle spins, and apparently I learn nothing. Yeah. I am a fool. The Queen of them all......
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