The Car

I got my car back today, finally.  The damage to my pocketbook was as serious as the damage to all the moving bits and pieces under the hood.  The final bill was almost a thousand dollars.  Nowhere in my budget did I have that, but if it won't go without it....

I cannot express how happy I am to have the vehicle back.  Or at least how happy I will be, at any rate, once the shock of having to write that check has worn off.  There was nothing like having to coordinate borrowing or using one of my parents' vehicles for every single thing I wanted to do to make me feel dependent and horrible. It was miserable.

Even though I know I was very lucky to be in a situation where there was some other form of transportation available, all I could think of was how..."unfree"...I was.  I could feel it like a hand holding a bird's wings down. I did not feel free to go anywhere or do anything except the most necessary of things.

I know I've noted this before, but it's worth repeating.  It's amazing how much of our personality is reflected in our vehicles.  I did not feel like myself behind the wheel of either of my parents' cars.  I felt somehow altered, like I'm pretending to be somebody else.

Maybe tomorrow everything will settle down some.  It would be nice to think that just having my vehicle back will be a magic panacea, that all the things that are screwed up in my life will be fixed.  Unfortunately, as silver bullets go, I don't think this one has much power behind it.  Somedays, though, I guess you just sort of take what you can get.