I find myself in totally clear waters for the first time in too long to remember. There is nothing holding me, no ancient anchors I'm dragging behind me, no heavy chains from the past, no attachments of any kind. Even a passing fancy I had sort of been looking at, a shiny object that had caught my eye, has fallen away once I really stopped to examine it closely. It's all gone now.
And that is all good to me.
That may not make a lot of sense from the outside looking in, and I am quite aware that it may sound horribly cold and callous. It's not that I always want to be alone; I don't. I truly don't. This unexpected feeling of freedom from all that, though, the feeling of being on an even-keel, is wonderful. I feel that I can trust my judgments because the past isn't clouding them. I feel that I can look forward to the future because there isn't any anticipation of something ridiculous in them, something I know is less than the best, less than what I need and deserve. There is just peacefulness.
Now, I can open out the wings I've kept folded inside me for so long and glide again in these unexpectedly open and bright, cold, clear skies. I do not know that I will ever find another to share this joy with me. Right now, I am beyond the caring. Just this is good. Just this is better than I've had in a long, long time.
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And then you said.....