Stealing Joy

Today was a mixture of things.  What should have been a day filled with nothing but light-hearted silliness wound up in so many ways ripping the heart right out of me.  My disappointment with things and the subsequent stress triggered a migraine worse than anything I've had in a long, long time.  I took a Maxalt that didn't work, came home, crawled into the bed, and became unconscious for several hours.

I'm tired of this.

I have to start choosing not to let things (and people) steal my joy.  I said today was a mixture of things.  Not all those things were bad.  Not all those people were apathetic.  Not even the majority of them were.  I need to cut loose the ones who were and just be done with it.  No matter how much I wish they were otherwise, no matter how much I used to think of them, no matter how much I really wanted them to be something other than this, they make their choices, too.  I can't make them care.  I have to stop letting them steal my joy.

I have to trim away that which is already dead and let it go.  I've never had to say this, never had to feel this way, but it is my reality now, and I need to face it.  I have to focus on the good.  And, fortunately, if I will start doing that, there is a lot of good to look at.  Everything is not bad.  Everyone is not tuned out, packed up, ready to go.

So here's my resolution.  I'm done making myself sick with despair and frustration when the ones I'm doing it for couldn't possibly care less if they could be bothered to try.  I am going to focus on the ones who sparkle and shine, who give me what they have every day when they show up, who bring joy in with them.  They deserve that from me.

As for the others, this is me officially shaking the dust off my sandals and turning my face in another direction.  I'm walking toward a place where my head doesn't pound at the end of the day.  I'm walking toward a place where I'm back about the business of doing what it is I do.  The joy thieves can either join me there or not.  It is, after all, their choice and always has been.